roller-derby and graphs

i'm proud to say, i have a friend who is trying to roller-derby. how frickin' cool is that? i'm sure you ARE ALL visiting her original site, but now you should join me in following her progression from n00b to however-far-beyond-n00b she gets. check her new site out here. now, i GOTTA go visit her... like in real life. rock on!

AND completely unrelated... i like this graph.


see more Funny Graphs

sappy post for the year - phantom kiss

<SAPPINESS> ok, so last night, i had a strange, if not short, dream. i was with someone of the female persuasion, and i can think of no reason why it was her. we were at the wimbledon tennis competitions at some sort of log cabin-ish thing. the dream was very to the point. i was holding her, we were about to kiss, she asked "why?", i said "just for fun" (i'm such a salesman, even in my dreams). she said "what if it's more than fun?" to which i replied "no worries, that doesn't happen to me", and we kissed. then we noticed my mom and he mom walking up the steps to the cabin so we bolted in separate directions... and i woke up. here's the sappy part.

i've not been lucky enough to kiss someone in a long time, but even that dream kiss cheered me up. it was fun. blah blah blah, yeah i know. so, what i'm saying to you is, if you are lucky enough to have someone around to kiss romantically, next time you see your sig fig, take a little extra time to enjoy it. i fear it becomes a bit too standard. a kiss while you're running out the door or a peck before going to bed. your heart isn't REALLY into it, it's just part of the daily routine. the next few times, before it becomes routine again, just take a few extra seconds and put some feeling into it, make it a little more special. for those of you who aren't so lucky, i wish i could help you, you can join my "hating on couples" support group every day at beer-thirty. j/k.

</SAPPINESS>

it's been almost two weeks?!?!

i'm sorry guys and gals. i can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since i updated. i hate it when that happens. i'm filling in for 3 roles at work right now, and going to loads of meetings... i HATE meetings. i'm a technical guy, my role is technical, but the ones i'm filling in for are admin and managerial, and i SUCK at it. i don't have the patience to deal with people trying to make the impossible happen, and passing blame along to the wrong entity.

anyways, i have two posts in the works, i need to get a post together for PTVR for tomorrow, and i'm cutting really close as to whether or not i'm going to be able to finish the oktoberfest posts by their one-year anniversary. how is it so hard to tell such a fun story? i do not know. i'll try to get a post up in the next day or two to get the flow going again. thanks you loyal readers.

INNNNNNNDOCTRINATION!

One Indian, One Normal - Watch more Funny Videos

i don't think these girls are smart enough to be acting. i fear they are this ignorant and, thus, dangerous. this is like brain-washing fundamentalism and general lack of education. is india in africa? why aren't your eyes slanted?

new blog unofficial opening

with the graphical help of Chump, i've started a new blog to direct some of my ire toward. it is completely biased towards me. it's my club. people who piss me off (and there are a lot of them) don't get in, people who impress me are shown past the velvet rope. pretty simple.

i've been thinking on this blog for almost 3 years now, trying to find the perfect format. it isn't quite there yet. the original format probably would've gotten me detained in gitmo, but that's another story for another time. Chump and i are still working on layout and formatting, but i'll be trying to update it once a week, every friday or so (for the weekend of course).

go check it out, and let me know what you think. comments are always welcome. and come on back for the grand opening in a few weeks.

this week, who made it Past The Velvet Rope?

a roundabout story

here you find another "cowbirds in love" comic, though i don't find this one extremely funny. the reason i post it is the story that goes with it from the author. click on the picture to go to the page and read his story the frame.

when i read that story i had a bit of a flashback, and found i was laughing at myself. when TheMom had her first heart attack, us kids were kinda stuck fending for ourselves a bit. granted i was either a sophomore or junior in high school, there were some things we just didn't do... like grocery shopping. i can still picture it vividly, going to the kroger's with TheYoungerSister and TheGirlfriend(AtTheTime). we grabbed the buggy and split up going around the store getting what was on our little piece of the list. my job was to get lunchmeat for the house. i never paid attention to when TheMom bought lunchmeat, but i figured i was smart enough, i could figure it out. i took a number and waited in line, and soon it was my time to order. i told the lady i would like some bologna. she asked "which kind" to which i just pointed to one, and then "how much?"... **crickets** for some reason, i didn't think about how much, and i couldn't recall how much TheMom got at one time, so after a panicked few seconds, i said "5 pounds, please". the lady looked at my a bit strangely, and asked if i was sure. i told her "yes, it's for the week," and she went to it. i was kinda not really paying attention as she cut it, until TheGirlfriend(AtTheTime) rounded the corner, eyes wide, seeing the massive tower of bologna that the lady was stacking up on the counter. it was maybe 12" tall (though, if you can't tell, i wasn't the greatest at scale back then). TheGirlfriend(AtTheTime) ran down the aisle, chuckling the whole way trying to get the lady's attention to tell her that was enough meat. i may have imagined it, but i think TheGirlfriend(AtTheTime) and the lunchmeat lady's eyes met, and together they silently thought... "DUMB BOYS!"

meat is murder

i have a question to my vegetarian friends... and on that note, i have no vegetarian friends, so could you pass this link on to them so i could get their opinion. from this article it seems we may be only 10 years away from test-tube meat. that is meat that you would buy, cook and eat, that was grown in a laboratory rather than fed on a farm and slaughtered. this meat would be able to be adjusted to be healthier, have more of the good fats and less of the bad fats, and would decrease the need for grazing land and in the worst case, buildings cramped full of animals solely for business.

i saw this a report on this on CNNi before i saw the article. studies show that livestock produce nearly 18% of the greenhouse gases that might be affecting our climate. the entire fossil fuel industry (cars, power plants, etc) only produce 13%. that's right! cow farts are doing more damage to our environment than that gas-guzzling SUV you have. if we can culture healthier meat in the lab, we'd significantly reduce greenhouse emissions on a level not even fathomable by environmentalists trying to fight fossil fuel emissions.

so, the question is: vegetarians... would you begin eating meat? would you eat THIS meat? it's no longer "meat is murder"; it never had a face, as is the reasoning for some, AND it would be better for the environment to have people eat more lab-meat, thus making it more cost-effective. if not, what excuse would you have not to? dietitians typically don't say to completely remove red meat, but to limit it to like one serving a week, and as far as i know, there are no health risks associated with chicken at all (we're not talking salmonella here, though that would be significantly decreased since chicken factories that help spread that would be eliminated). would you eat lab-chicken? i'm just curious.

i would. i don't see a problem with it at all. healthier, better for the environment. seems to be pretty much a win-win as long as the cost isn't too much.

stirling (and the end of the scottish R&R)

for the sake of me getting this out of the way, and on to other posts, i'll give a cliff's notes version of the rest of my scotland trip accompanied by lots of pix (all clickable to embiggen). after all, pic = 1k words.

still in the edinburgh area: midway through the trip, we decided we were going to see rosslyn chapel (click for some pictures since i apparently didn't take any). i'd never heard of rosslyn, but soon found out it was featured in several scenes in 'the da vinci code', and i like puzzles. we hopped my first double-decker bus ever, and i ran like a fool up to the top to sit right up front, over the driver. along the way to rosslyn, i realized there was a small hatch on the dash in front of me where i could look down directly on to the driver. i thought it was an odd idea until i found, just above me, a mirror, so he can just look up and see if the top is empty. pretty cool. the gang had to keep me in line, though, because i was having too much fun looking down at the driver and not getting caught **TOURISTS!!!** rosslyn has some pretty cool stories, there are some interesting mathematical layouts involved in it, small discrepancies in patterned carvings on the ceilings, face of "green men" carved into the walls with no real explanation. at the front of the chapel, you find "the master's pillar" and "the apprentice's pillar". the story goes something like, the master went away telling the apprentice to practice, the apprentice felt he didn't need to practice anymore and made the apprentice's pillar, and when the master arrived back to see that the apprentice's pillar was better than his own pillar, he bludgeoned the apprentice with a hammer in a fit of rage. lovely story, eh? i KNOW i took some outside pictures of rosslyn, but can't seem to find them (now that i think about it, i think they were on an SC card that corrupted). eh, you'll have to make due with my vibrant descriptions and a rental of 'the da vinci code'.... wait... WOOHOOO!!! i found some, thank the aether some other people took pix.

soon after the rosslyn trip, TheJay and TheEJ had to make their respective ways home. i'm not exactly who left when, though, since it was a virtual whirlwind of people flying in, castles, pubs, quiz nights, more pubs, pizza, people flying out, etc. i was lucky enough to have TheJulie and TheBill invite me along on their trip to stirling to visit doune castle (setting for much of monty python and the holy grail), stirling castle, and the wallace monument (after ol' braveheart, himself).

so, TheBill, TheJulie, and i decided to make our trip. they'd already booked a bed & breakfast in stirling that i wasn't able to reserve ahead of time. i made it to the train station early to grab some brunch (good ol' burger king) and get the tix. i took a cab as i figured it would be easier, and i hate being late. if i do recall, TheBill and The Julie decided to take the adventurous route of taking the city buses, not knowing that the bus they needed drops them off further away from the station than they had expected. we missed the train we wanted to take, but they run fairly regularly, so we prepared to hop the next one. when we showed the tickets to the operator, he told us we paid too much, there was no first class or such-and-such on this and we could go to the counter to get some money back. we tried, and for some reason or another that i forget, we ended up not having time to get the refund there. so, we hopped the next train, saw some pretty countryside, and soon were in stirling. it wasn't a very far walk at all to their B&B from the station, and i'd noticed there was a pub just down the road a spell that was selling haggis lasagna (YEA!). TheJulie and TheBill spoke with the owner, got their room and luckily for me, she had another room that she wasn't sure if she could rent because they'd JUST finished painting the off-suite bathroom for it. she said it would be dry by the evening and let me take the room.

after dropping off our bags, we were off we to the bus station to doune castle. we took it the area of doune castle, and we found a tourist shop that sold information about monty python's part of the history of doune castle. when we arrived, some VERY nice cars were pulling into the grass and a bagpiper was playing away. apparently, we'd come as a wedding ceremony and reception was about to go off. we were directed around the wedding ceremony, checked out all the awesome halls, and TheBill and TheJulie were nice enough to catch me up on (and re-enact) scenes that were filmed where (as i've not seen the holy grail in some time). after touring the castle for a few hours, we made our way back to the B&B for a rest, then went out for dinner at the place i'd seen earlier. the haggis lasagna was lovely. TheJulie went back to the room to read and relax a bit. TheBill and i (bad influence that i am) went to the bar attached to the restaurant we ate at. we walked in and GOOD LORD it was loud! we ordered our drinks and tried to talk, but it was no use. the speakers kept playing the same loud song over and over again. that's when i realized... most of the people at the bar this night were deaf. they were signing away, while TheBill and i were the minority in that we couldn't communicate at all. we finished our beers and set out for somewhere else that might not cause permanent hearing damage. we found a decent bar called o'neill's where we grabbed a few drinks and talked about the trip so far and what still lay ahead. before it got too late, and i got TheBill in trouble, we went back to the B&B and laid our heads down for the night. (for more doune castle pix, go here).

we woke bright an early in the morning for breakfast. that's when i noticed some of the deaf people who were at the bar were staying at our B&B as well. we had our breakfast, paid the nice lady, and were on our way to wallace monument. we'd gotten there just as they were opening. there was supposed to be a shuttle to the top of the hill, but for some reason, that didn't work out. we saw a shuttle, and a man driving it, but not really shutting anyone. we hiked to the top of the hill, and i was again regretting ever having gotten fat. we eventually made it to the top of the hill on what turned out to be ANOTHER fantastically sunny day (most people would not mind this, but i went for rain and gloom... it's my thing). the air was a bit brisk but would warm up soon enough. we paid or way, left our bags at the front desk, and with that, made our way up the 246 stairs, through the several floors, and finally on to the roof. one of the first levels had a cool mannequin, of sorts, dressed as william wallace with a projector showing on his face (picture in the wallace monument link). since the room is kinda dark, with a bit of imagination, it looked like william wallace was actually telling the story of his life. there was a project screen next to him that showed skits fleshing out the story. we carried on to the other floors where we found some cool stained glass (one of my favorites is below), replicas of "the wallace sword" (though i think the hilt is believed to be the original), busts of the important people of the time, and more. the walk up got a bit tedious because it is a very tight spiral staircase, and you go around in circles several times between floors. a person could get vertigo. walking down was far easier, though you had to time it so as not to pass people on the stairs, but rather, at the gallery floors. on the roof, there's an amazing gothic peak like i've never seen before. we all took pix of each other and ourselves and the landscape. toward then end of our roof stay, we were startled when the speakers blared that there would be a presentation downstairs at 12:15 by "a man from william wallace's army". we made our way down and listened to the actor portraying the army character. he was quite good, giving small anecdotes in the first person and engaging the audience with his weapon and how to stories might related to the audience. at one point he was telling a story about how the future queen was killed before she could arrive in the country to rule "because women aren't fit for that sort of thing", and he called TheJulie out when she may have looked upset over that statement. it was funny. after his performance, we spoke with him for a bit but had to cut it short as we were on our way over to stirling castle. (for more wallace monument pics, go here).

coming up to stirling castle, you first notice an amazing open lawn, peppered with statues of famous kings and warriors as well as tourists and locals lounging in the uncommonly good weather. we'd arrived just as a tour was going out, so we joined in to get a little more history about the place than what we'd just get from reading the placards. i couldn't tell you what we learned now, but, back in the day, there were queens and kings and births, and there were buildings being built and parties being thrown. the art was pretty amazing. most of it was replicas, and they even had a professional weaver there recreating full size copies of some really awesome christian tapestries. you could see wallace monument from the castle. strangely enough, some of the garrison were pointed directly at it. i really liked the layout of stirling castle. there were long rustic walls built on the edge of the hill that you could walk clear to the edge, at one point, it looked like you'd walk right off the hill. the guard towers were actually quite tiny, and we had to duck to go in and out of them. i'm not exactly sure why i was so fascinated by this castle more than the others. maybe it was the weather, the green grass, the numerous walking paths among the immense guard walls, but i found it to be a really impressive sight. (for more stirling castle pix, go here).

after the castle, we made our way back to the train station where we went back to stirling proper. i got off at the haymarket station near my hotel, and TheBill and TheJulie went back to their place. we'd made plans to meet up for dinner later, so until then, i went the the haymarket, a bar across from my hotel, for a few cocktails. it was quiz night, the EASIEST quiz night i'd ever come across, but by the time it had started, i had to make my way back to the hotel for a quick shower and down to dinner. dinner was good, nothing really memorable. we parted ways, as i had to catch my flight in the morning.

it was good catching up with friends i haven't seen in a long time. sharing vacations rocks. if you haven't noticed, i'm NOT in spain as my R&R countdown says i should be right now. one of my buddies that i was supposed to meet is off working in malaysia for a bit, and i'm stuck with no one here to cover for me, so i'll take it at the end of the job. now need to find somewhere to meet someone. i've gotten an invite to japan, but i'm not sure if it's going to fit into my schedule. any other offers? more pix and movies below. now on to finishing the R&R before, the oktoberfest posts... i only have about a month to finish them before it's been a year. A YEAR ALREADY!!!

DOUNE CASTLE
TheJulie and TheBill "taunting" per the scene in monty python and the holy grail

roof of the main hall

TheBill and me standing guard per the scene in monty python and the holy grail

massive fireplace (one of many)

doune castle as we approached


TheJulie and TheBill doing the horse scene from monty python and the holy grail

also, here are links to the bagpiper playing outside the castle and playing in the wedding hall.

WALLACE MONUMENT
approaching wallace monument from way-the-hell-down at the bottom of the hill

the view from the top of wallace monument

what do you see in the bottom frame of this stained glass, keep in mind this is a religious piece? see something in the small pic? once you see it, click on it and zoom to enlarge. i hope you see it, because i REALLY thought that was cool.


STIRLING CASTLE
the aforementioned lawn leading up to stirling castle

stirling castle from the back being remodeled

the ceiling of the great after being remodeled, even using authentic wooden pegs instead of nails

TheBill pondering what i dubbed "the vertigo stairs"

the vertigo stairs... you fall over that right hand side, and it's a LOOOOOOOONG way down

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saving the best for last...

hey LADIES!!!! look what i can do!

cowbirds in love on mad scientists

it's so true how so few understand the difference. another good webcomic i recommend, the mouse-overs help sometimes.

rehabilitating mr. wiggles

i just found this webcomic today, i figured i'd share it with you. it's your lucky day.

the arabic project, phase 1 : COMPLETE

that is my name there. i personally think my last name (the part on the left) looks bad ass, like a crown or something. i'm sending out the names i did off the top of my head today. if you didn't get one and wanted one, i apologize, i'm an ass. send me an email or a comment, and i'll make you one up for you. it's good practice for me and kinda fun. i verified all the names with native egyptian arabic speakers, so they should be pretty damn close. since these are transliterations, how i pronounce the name can change how it is written. for example, the way i say my last name is how it is written above. the way the locals HEAR me say my name is different; thus, they write it differently. the smae goes for my first name.. i say "zachary", and they relate that to "zakareyah" which is the approximate equivalent in arabic.

well, that's one of the MANY projects i've started, and so far, the only one completed. what's on next? tell me what you think about this, your name if i sent you one, and if you want one. later.

i've been dubbed

yesterday, i made my friday trip to ThePC to meet up with the hash group. once there, we had a few beers and realized that there wasn't really enough to people to run the hash, so we "hashed" to TheKiwi's place where he had some lamb chops he wanted to cook. the turnout is low lately because a lot of the people are away on summer holiday or R&Rs. we've agreed that we will definitely run next week, as that will probably be the last time most of us will be together until sometime in september.

anyways, back at TheKiwi's we drank beer, talked about the hash, told stories about our jobs here in egypt and where we've been before. before we started the grilling, TheEweTrollop called for a hash circle. we all agreed it was a good hash, brisk but not exhausting. TheKiwiMike was called into the circle and was called out on FINALLY making a hash (and he made the one we didn't run). then i was called into the circle for the naming ritual. normally, it involves sand and "water from the nile" but none were readily available in the apartment. i was told to kneel, i had to drink for being too competitive on the run that day. then, with an icy heineken poured over my head, i was dubbed...

suck me sack

it might be "suck me zac", but i'll find out officially when the newsletter comes out later. either way, i'm not exactly sure how it came about. i know the night before, we were at TheSpitfire, and i think i was making fun of my name (zachary) with a horrible chinese accent. one of the guys misheard me, and i think he heard "suck a me", and minutes of hilarity ensued from that. that's my best guess on how it came about. we do shoot ourselves in the foot, don't we?

i'd love to elaborate more, but i have to work up the nerve to call TheEweTrollop. i we were invited over for chili tonight, but i'm not exactly sure, and i do hate the phone so.

over and out.

---suck me sack