SO NOT FUKKING FUNNY!!!

ok, this turning 30 things sucks. i'm never sick, then i got what, i assume, was a cold (cough, sore throat) just before coming to egypt, and yesterday i had to call off work for what, i'm guessing, was the flu (chills, fever, body aches). so flashback 2 days ago, tuesday, work is work... slow, and i'm starting to get strange chills, i think i might have a fever, but can't tell for sure. on the way home, i'm still chilled and feverish, so i pass on eating dinner at TheMech's place, cooked by his new housekeeper. instead, i go to the hotel, shower, put on my new steeler jammies (long sleeve shirt and long pants), and order dinner. i tried to eat some spaghetti but wasn't very hungry, so i crawled into bed at 8:15PM. i had the heater turned up and was buried under the blankets to try to sweat it out. well, tuesday night sucked. i tossed and turned and SWEATED MY ASS off. when my alarm rang wednesday morning, i knew the unthinkable was going to have to happen. i was going to have to call in sick. in 7 years with TheGeneral, i've only taken 1/2 a sick day in india. wednesday, the total went up to 1.5 sick days with my company. i called TheSiteLead, told him the situation, and he was cool with it. then i crawled under the blankets to sweat it out some more. i slept for another 15 hours or so until TheSiteLead called at 5:00PM to see if i was alive. i decided to pour myself out of bed and try to eat. i cleaned up a bit and tried to eat some lasagna at the italian restaurant downstairs. i only had a few bites of that and a bowl of minestrone. i went back upstairs, watched a bit of TV, read one of my books, and was back in bed at 10PM. i woke up this morning feeling good. i think i sweated out the fever, my stomach is at 80%, and i'm doing pretty well.

oh, but hell, i got away from the title of the post, and THAT is the important thing. tuesday, while i was still feeling sick, i saw TheSecretary in the hallway, and she beckoned me to come to her. i like being beckoned, so i obliged.

TheSecretary: sir, you have to go...
ME: huh?
TS: yes sir, you have to go...
ME: what do you mean?
TS: (makes a jabbing motion at her wrist)
ME: ??? wtf?
TS: sir, your test... you are positive, you have to go
ME: (shites my pants) you're joking, right?
TS: no sir, no joke, you have to go

i was already feeling ill, and that certainly didn't help. i was a zombie the rest of the day. granted, she was saying all this with a slight smirk, but she insisted she was not joking, she'd heard from the other assistant who had gone to cairo to get my results. if by some stretch of some crazy imagination it turned out i was HIV+, the assistant who went to cairo was going to get his face punched to a meaty pulp for sharing that news to people who didn't need to know (it wouldn't have been too much more trouble since rumor has it, if i'd've come back positive, the ARMY comes and escorts me to my hotel to get my stuff, and takes me directly to the airport to get me out of country. civil rights, my ass). i was petrified, completely useless. i knew she was joking, she had to be, but she wouldn't let it go, avoiding me like the plague, no pun intended. i was pissed, part of me was scared, and i was sick... BITCH!!! just before i left work that day, the assistant came in and told me i was negative. i asked for a copy of the test for my own records. that circled word (i looked it up) IS arabic for "negative".