painwaves

every day is tough in a different way. today, i'm just slow and tired and not wanting to think. things seem distant. yesterday, i was OK, i guess, better than today and better than the day before yesterday. i've done some things i've thought about before, some friends understand, others don't, some don't even know. it made me feel good, but then i was nervous. where would it all lead? would it get worse? things are pretty fukked up. maybe i should get some anti-depressants... better living through pharmacology. they are readily available over the counter here. maybe i should destroy the world, my world, a world. maybe i should fight for this with all the fury in my soul until i can't pick myself up off the floor. maybe i should just enjoy what little i have for the little time i have it. i've never done this right or normal. maybe that's why i don't do it. they do it to me. my fukked up brain cloud has cleared a bit. the noise is gone, but the thoughts are still pulling in polar opposite directions.

enough streaming for now, i have to get to work.