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23 January 2006

slow death by laser

i've thought about this several years ago, and it just re-materialized via random synapse firing into my slightly work-addled brain yesterday. DEATH BY LASER. you remember the 1985 movie Real Genius with val kilmer, et al., with all the popcorn and that weird guy in the basement who figured the odds of winning some contest? remember that? well in that, they have this laser that went through the block, the wall behind it, the trees outside, and on and on and on. WOW! i'm guessing those kind of lasers exist in some form somewhere. i'm thinking, hey, just take a small one, really tiny, like 1/32" diameter laser, and shoot it at people. so it goes through them. i'm guessing there are parts of the body besides extremities that you could hit without killing them.

the morbid theory goes, if you shoot in short enough bursts so that any motion of the target humanoid/mammal/organic being can be neglected, the laser will burn a cylinder through the subject and cauterize the circumferential tissue, thus no bleeding. and now there is a tube through your body. i'm thinking this could even go through certain organs, and the organs could still function. think of it as an innertube in the pool, but think of the hole not being there. you have flow or whatever the organ/innertube is supposed to do doing it. then you shoot a laser at it that burns a hole through it (now you can think of the innertube as you are probably picturing it anyways, with a hole in it). the organ/innertube still functions, it can still flow AROUND the hole. i wonder if it would work. it would be more torture than anything. cuz i'm thinking you could use a laser gun with an array of these tiny lasers so you get like 64 or 81 or 100 (cuz it's hip to be square) laser holes through your body. you wouldn't die (in my theory), but you'd probably get a nasty infection. how do you clean 100 - 1/32" holes that run entirely through your body? you drop food on ya, you sweat, you get sand in there, and that's gonna suck.

what has this place done to me?

3 Comments:

Blogger Mike T said...

Dude that movie was on last week. One of the best 80's movies in the world. Gotta love the popcorn at the end and "Everybody want to rule the world" playing in the background. Oh yeah and the dude in the closet was called Laslo. Coolest line in the movie is when Kilmer tells some chick that there's a disease going around that causes huge breasts, and then he goes "oh no I'm too late". Later.

8:23 AM, January 23, 2006  
Blogger themom said...

whoa!! you remind me of someone tripping on ACID. flashback to the LSD days. your mind just never stops. that is why i love you. what a mind!!

8:04 PM, January 23, 2006  
Blogger Jennifer Waronker said...

This is both the most entertaining and possibly inane thing I've ever read.

Right on!

12:03 PM, January 24, 2006  

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