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31 May 2007

i'm worn

so TheMom and i had some drinks, watched backetball, talked about... stuff. i went to bed around midnight hoping to get a good 6 hours sleep. no dice. i slept from midnight to 3AM when i woke up for a bathroom break. from then on til 6AM, tossing, turning, thinking, thinking some more, looking at the clock. it sucked, and it didn't do wonders for my disposition. so on 3 hours sleep, me and TheMom headed off to the airport. all my flights were OK for once, we even had a 100mph tailwind going WEST to edmonton, canada, which the pilot told us that a tailwind, especially one of that strength was an extreme rarity, so we made crazy time. got my car, drove to red deer, and arrived at my hotel 11 hours after setting off. THEN, i had to run around town trying to print off and fax some paperwork to the site but couldn't do because staples was booked and the hotel couldn't figure out their printer. i tried to take a 45 minute nap, but the dayshift TA decided to return my calls right as i laid down. lovely. so, i've had 3 hours sleep in the past 24 hours, and i still have 9 hours left in my shift. ugh! and i couldn't find any red bull on the way to the site.

all that certainly doesn't help my mental status as it was already. i just feel tired, drained, lost in my head, unmotivated, and depressed. it sucks. maybe i just need a good sleep. i have my eyes on the prize. i just can't find joy in anything lately. i hate the reason for it, because it isn't necessarily a GOOD reason, but it's MY reason, and it makes sense to me. not that that helps my friends and family who try to advise me. they may make valid points, but i refute it with... i have hope; i want to try new things; life's too short to be scared. i just hope that's enough. good god, i'm tired. gonna have some breakfast (at 10PM). maybe more later.

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