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30 September 2005

you missed it, but it's not your fault...

it went something like this. it was yesterday and i woke up...

i've stepped off the edge. i woke up this morning and didn't care anymore... i'm beyond apathy, i'm beyond whatever is beyond that. i'm almost numb. i think this place and these people have broken me. i won't let them know, but i think i am. i know it's shite, but i feel like crying but can't. i'm just wasted.

the site is a wreck, nothing is going right, customer's talking trash already, a TheGeneral engineer back at base caved under the customer's pressure to let them take a shortcut, so now i'm undermined and the customer knows he can push our engineering group around, so i was ready to give up. do whatever, don't care. word ain't worth much here, i'm just here for the $$$ now.

well this all happened yesterday, and on top of that was tons and tons of work i had to take care of or get caught up on, so i didn't have time to give you all the unabridged version of the rut i was in. since then, i've a thing here or there that brought a spark of non-complacency to this new mood. been onsite since 3AM for an alignment (got to go to the hotel for 1.5 hours around 7AM), and it is now 6:30PM. since i was lucky enough to HALF fix one of the problems we are having onsite, i get the grand prize of having to stay late while we figure out the rest of it. yeah, this next paycheck is gonna be banging. it's the only thing that keeps me going right now. that and i wanna go somewhere nice after this. any ideas? i'm really thinking scotland, i hear iceland is jumpin' jumpin' around xmas (or was that greenland). as much as i wanna leave this place, i DO wanna see the taj before i leave so i'll spend a day or two in agra checking that out, then off to... where? dunno. all y'allz world travellers, what do you like? where should i go? i need something to get me un-funked and i nice place i've never thought of sounds good. i wish i had an obsession like my bud, swedishchefdave. he LOVES the wildlife, any and all forms. if you check out his blog, there are tons of pics of the things he's found in peru on his most recent assignment he just finished. i like looking at the ladies (i'd like to talk to them, but i'm still working on the walking near one without tripping and tearing her shirt trying to stay up or something). you can find that just about anywhere one way or another (except for india, from what i can tell). i hear the thai ones are nice, some cool tricks. and they do donkey shows in mexico. hmmm. maybe i'll go to amsterdam and just get lost in a blur of herb and prozzies. dunno. help me out. i need some ideas.

and man, see if i ever put a crypto up on my page. some dude guessed it (cool) but gave ME some extra credit questions having to do with infinite series'. now being the cool chap i am, when i got here and there wasn't much to do, i was working on the reimann hypothesis which kinda deals with infinite series. and by working on it, i mean, i read a book on it, thought it was cool and wrote some excel algorithms to try to figure out what hundreds of years of genuises can't prove. plus i'm really no good with proofs. i'm more abstract. but they were cool. check out the comments on the crypto post. hey, if anyone knows kolthammer's addy, show him the proofs, he's good at that shite. i remember one time the housefolk were all doing triple integrals to determine the corner angle of a rectangle when projected onto the inner surface of a sphere. completely off the top of K-dogg's head. strange, smart dude. good times. puke and rallied several times one night ON IRISH CARBOMBS. that was impressive cuz he's not so much the drinker. ok, enough of the random. i'm back to work, maybe i can get home and have a beer tonight.


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