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12 December 2005

i'm alive

ya see that tip of a ski pole poking through that avalanche field, the one trying to poke an airhole for survival? yeah, that's not me, so let's get outta here. he'll be fine, he can drink snow water, piss himself for warmth, and he has a radio beacon i'm sure. we can go find a st. bernard with those cool barrels, come with me...

no, but really, mom, i'm ok. you've got plenty of things to worry about yourself. you don't need to worry about me. it's not like you raised "bubble boy". this is the guy who ate week old pizza that sat on the floor in my college dorm if it wasn't fuzzy (and that pre-requisite wasn't STRICTLY adhered to - penicillin, people). keep in mind, i once ate cheesburgers... blended up cheeseburgers (to prove a point).
ASIDE: it was a lovely summer afternoon, many people were around, some party of some kinda, memorial day or something, and i was burger chef. i'd cooked everything, brought the plate in and was going to get the yummiest-of-the-yummy velveeta processed american cheese product (or whatever it is), and my buddy, chad, mentioned that i hadn't melted the cheese on the burger on the grill. i said that cheese, melted or unmelted tasted the same. i made the claim that, hell, if a burger were blended in a blender and ate with a spoon, it would taste the same, only a different texture. it was on! i was challenged to do it, and i did. in goes the top and bottom bun, the cooked burger, 2 slices of cheese, pickles, ketchup, mustard, mayo, tomatoes, lettuce, and onions; on goes the lid, and i push PUREE-HIGH SPEED. it came out a rather thick pinkish-brown color, smelled basically like a burger with all the toppings, and i proceeded to drop a spoonful down my gullet. it wasn't too bad, yeah the texture was strange, there wasn't that refreshing hot-burger/crips, cold veggies feel, rather a homogemous lukewarmness to it, but it was good, it tasted like a burger-ish. i think i won, but no one else would dare taste it, that leads me back to my point

i'm healthy as an ox, just got some ox-strong flu over here and i'm fightin' it off well, ever see 'osmosis jones'? this thing is gonna go back to his viral buddies and say "stay away from the big white guy, his white blood cells are on steroids or something", and i know they are gonna say that because my anti-bodies are making them say it over and over again right now until they know it verbatim. they my POSSE! they look out for me, from the inside.

so there, i'm alive, all and well. just buried in work since we are planning on firing this puppy up in a couple days. getting the paperwork done to push the button. so, if you're still concerned, there's a guy back there under a pile of snow, and i think he JUST pissed himself.

2 Comments:

Anonymous mom said...

this is such a unique way of communicating. now i may have to worry about the poor soul buried under the avalanche. (consumate worrier that i am!!) you just keep letting your body yell at the nasty bad virus'ssss. you tell a story so well. i still tell everyone about the "blender burger!" love ya - and the "you know what" items should be on their way to you soon.

1:04 PM, December 12, 2005  
Anonymous jared said...

I remember that pizza. "Hey, look what I found under the bed!" I also remember that chinese food doesn't fair so well. Hated those monostat tablets I had to suck on...

12:01 PM, December 13, 2005  

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