"i want to see you," she said

i would have to say, the weekend jules and i shared in salt lake city was probably one of our best.

several days before, she called me letting me know i didn't have to come to the wedding. we both knew what was going to happen out there, and she didn't want me to feel obligated, or to come with false hope. i assured her i wanted to come, i wanted to at least see her one more time, and i wanted to do this in person. i'd said time and time again... "if it doesn't hurt, it didn't mean anything", and i wanted the past 2 years to mean something. breaking up via e-mail, phone calls, and distance hurt, but not enough, not like it should. it would've been too impersonal.

i'd worked up a plan that i had little hope she'd go for, but it was worth a try. we knew what was going to happen, so i wanted, as soon as we met up at the airport (our flights were to land within 15 minutes of each other around 10:30AM friday morning), that we'd go to the hotel, get out the "why's", the "who's", the "how's", we'd talk it all out, then (and here's the part i didn't think would fly), i was hoping we could spend the weekend as a couple, smile, laugh, kiss, flirt, etc., and then "sign the paperwork" at the airport monday, when we caught our separate flights.

that plan didn't go through 100%, but things did end up working out spectacularly. jules was supposed to land at 10:15AM, and i was supposed to at 10:30AM. i'd arrived an hour early, but there was no gate, so we ended up waiting on the tarmac until we got out original gate, that sucked. jules arrived about 15 minutes early, and they actually got to their gate LATE for some reason, so i was in the baggage claim, thinking maybe she'd gone to the rental car desk already, when actually she hadn't gotten off the plane yet. there was a group of missionaries on my flight from columbus to SLC, and they were WAY behind me. i was already in the baggage claim waiting, when i heard of roar of cheers and clapping as the missionaries descended the stairs into the baggage claim. those mormons LOVE their missionaries. well, jules was coming down the stairs around about the same time, and she walked past the crowd over to me. we hadn't seen each other in 3 months, since our rendezvous in the west of ireland, and we kinda knew the situation, so their was a bit of awkwardness as we stood together. we hugged, and i wasn't sure if a kiss was appropriate so that was scratched from the schedule. our bags came quickly enough, and while waiting for them, we'd made plans with a friend of hers in SLC to meet for drinks and brunch. my plan was off-track so soon.

we made our way to hertz where we picked up a new ford mustang... it's my vacation, too, and i wanted to show off with some american muscle. we throw our bags in, and as i back it out of the spot, something doesn't sound right... maybe brakes rubbing? i pull forward a bit, still sounds strange, i stop and check that the e-brake isn't on, that's ok, so i keep going. the faster i go, the worse it gets, and maybe 1/2 mile outside the rental garage, i ask jules to stick her hea dout and look at the tires... completely flat front right tire. COME ON!!! this is a rental car, i shouldn't HAVE to check that. it was too far (and hot) to leave the car and walk back, and since it was their fault, i wasn't too concerned in driving it around the ring road back to he garage. we get back, i park the car as close to the desk as possible, and go complain. while i'm complaining, the security guard tells jules to move it, it's in the way of such and such, so she gave the guy the keys and told HIM to move it. it's broke, and she's done with it. i tell hertz the issue, and they ask how I got the flat. what!? i've been gone 2 minutes, you gave it to me the way!!! after a bit of debate, they decided to replace the car, but they didn't have another mustang, would i be OK with a dodge charger? that's the car i wanted in the first place, but it was a bit pricey for a weekend where we MIGHT not drive too much. so they gave me a charger (took about 40 minutes to get it there), and we were on our way.

we went to the hotel, dropped the bags, and went to meet TheJo (her female college friend) at a local bar. in SLC, you have to be a member to get into bars... that means you pay an exorbitant fee the first time, you get free t-shirts and drink glasses you forget to take with you the 1st time (and only get on the first time), and you get to bring 7 MORE people everytime you show up, rock on. we went, we drank, we ate, it was a good time. jules and i went back to the hotel and talked about the wedding present. i didn't want to wake up early on saturday to get it, so i offered the choice to get it that day, they had a target registry, let's do it NOW, and save the hassle. we did, i picked the first thing i saw that i thought was great, she agreed but wanted to look, we looked, we decided on my thing, and dropped it off back at the hotel. i'm guessing we went for dinner and drinks, but i can't recall, for the life of me, where. jules, TheJo, and i ended up at ami and chris's (the couple getting married) that night where i met several of the close friend's invited to the wedding. i had a good time, though i was a bit tired/jet-lagged/drunk.

that night we fell asleep talking about "us"... what went wrong? was there any glimmer of hope? was it me? did she find someone else? etc. the answers were, respectively, we were living separate lives - the distance got to be too much for her; not really; it wasn't me; she didn't find anyone else. it was tough for me to accept, but that's the way it had to be: in person, we had to see each other cry over this ending.

the next day, we talked a bit more before starting the day, and she was cool with the breaking up monday thing. that was awesome, cuz i missed kissing her. i missed everything about her. the wedding was a late one, 5PM, right outside our hotel, so we got up and had brunch at a place we'd gone to several times (squatter's, i believe). we went to TheJo's place where the girls talked about outfits and comfy shoes that don't match so well as opposed to 4" heels that'll hurt but look better. girls! after figuring that out, jules and i went back to the hotel with TheJo coming in about 15 minutes. when TheJo got to our hotel room (you needed to put the room key in a slot in the elevator to get to our floor, how cool?), they wrapped the gift we'd gotten, then we goofed around, listened to music, and went to the wedding.

the wedding was really nice. it was outside the hotel in their side courtyard thing. the only thing they might've thought more about was the unity candle as they had a hard time keeping it lit in the wind. it was a bit warm at sunset, but there were water and drinks available to the guests as they were seated. the ceremony was nice and short. it was a mix of denomination-free and hindu wedding rituals, as ami is of indian-descent. the wedding was small, with the matron of honor being ami's sister, pervi, and chris's best man being his brother (i believe). there was an exuberant flower girl who barreled down the aisle and dropped the flowers at the end as an afterthought.

the reception was just a few steps from where the ceremony was held, on the tiered-lawn outside the hotel. the appetizer and food table was set up at one end of the lawn, and the open bar at the other with a nice removable parquet dance floor in between. the food was great, the drinks were flowing, and pervi wanted me to dance. i'm not a big dancer, but i have been dancing quite a bit lately come to think of it. i still need a few drinks to get the joints loosened up, though. pervi asked me to dance, and i told her i needed about an hour. wouldn't ya know it, almost exactly an hour later, she comes up and drags me onto the dance floor as they'd started playing "grease lightning" from grease. i was resisting, but it was futile. as soon as my feet hit the dancefloor, i was breaking it down. it just hit my out of the blue, and we DANCED!!! i don't recall if the floor was empty or we emptied it, but it didn't take too long, and we were the only ones on the floor. my high school theater skills came back en force. pervi and i acted out every line of the song, we danced, we played to the audience, it was craziness. i thought we were done when that song was over, but they immediately played "summer lovin'". we couldn't let our captive audience down, so we did that one too. i'm SOOOO glad i don't have a copy of the movie, but sadly, the bride and groom do, and due to the events of the weekend, odds of me running into ami and chris again are even slimmer now, so i might be lucky enough not to see the movie. everyone we ran into the rest of the night thanked us for the great show, but i still felt bad for being so outlandish. after that, we did the typical reception thing. jules and i danced SOOO much. we slow danced, we two-stepped, we did the "cha cha slide" (the first time in my existence). i even dragged her up to dance a few times. i knew it'd more than likely be the last time, so i had to get my fill. it was a really great wedding/reception, day/night, one of those you want to last longer than it will.

the next day, jules, TheJo, and i went to ami and chris's to take them our gift, since we didn't bring it to the wedding. i figured we'd take it to the reception, but since the reception was immediately after, we didn't have a chance to go to the room. we helped them move their excess alcohol from the garage to their root cellar, we looked at their awesome gifts, and had a few drinks. we talked about where they were going for their honeymoon (crap, i forget... peru, and maybe ecuador, and mexico on the way back. something like that). after talking about what they should eat before they go (indian or sushi, since they won't get either where they were going), we decided to go to get sushi for dinner. i'd only had the supermarket, pre-fabbed sushi before, and liked it so i was game. WOW!!! i'd never had REAL sushi, and it seriously... it was love at first bite (a bit gimmicky, i know). we ordered like 20 plates or something like that and killed them all. it was the best.

after that, we dropped ami and chris off with a chance of meeting them at a bar later, and we took TheJo home. we hoped ami and chris would make it out, but they had packing and honeymoon stuff to do, so we weren't surprised when they didn't show up. jules and i had gone to this bar before the last time we were in SLC. it was OK, loud music, pool tables, etc. we sat at the bar and talked. we drank and talked and drank and talked. we didn't want the night to end, as this was going to be our last together, so we drew it out as long as we could. it was really nice just sitting and talking, kinda how we started the relationship. it was funny how there were a lot of parallels to how we started and ended. we met each other at the hotel bar in india for work, our last night together, we sat at a bar, talking laughing, etc (but without the tour of the closed park and ATM machine we made during our first encounter). we/i kinda determined our anniversary date would be the night before i left india for red's wedding in 2005. i stopped by her room to drop off my bags the night before i was to leave, but i was invited in and we talked until the sun came up and i needed to catch my ride to the airport. if it weren't for that wedding, maybe we wouldn't've started dating, and we ended it officially at her friend's wedding.

the next day, we woke up, packed, and hit the road. we went to jules' gate where we sat and kinda pondered in silent the end. i'm a romantic, so it was tough for me. i get choked up easily, so anytime i tried to talk, it was more squeaks and fighting back tears. that's me, i can't help it. we had fun together, we were good together, we were DAMN sexy together, and i didn't want it to end, but such is life and love. we hugged and kissed and said our goodbyes as they called her flight. there was no made-for-the-movies change of mind, no heroic running through the terminal to stop a bad decision; it was just her boarding a plane, and me putting my sunglasses on as i walked away to find my way home without making a scene, hah. and that was the end of one of the best weekends we'd ever had. and my... those legs!!! how i'll miss them.

ironically, i finished this post today, 24-july-07, what would've been our 2-year anniversary. i've been struggling over writing this for about 3 weeks now, funny how the timing worked out. jules and i still e-mail on occasion. it's still tough for me, but, again, i'm a hopeless romantic... i have no chance. not so much that i even want it to though, but that is far more than what this post is about. thanks for taking the ride with me.