i believe i am "becoming"

I beat my machine it's a part of me it's inside of me
I'm stuck in this dream it's changing me i am becoming
The me that you know had some second thoughts
He's covered with scabs and he is broken and sore
The me that you know doesn't come around much
That part of me isn't here anymore
All pain disappears it's the nature of my circuitry
Drowns out all i hear there's no escape from this my new consciousness
That me that you know used to have feelings
But the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay
The me that you know is now made up of wires
And even when i'm right with you i'm so far away
I can try to get away but i've strapped myself in
I can try to scratch away the sound in my ears
I can see it killing away all my bad parts
I don't want to listen but it's all too clear
Hiding backwards inside of me i feel so unafraid
Annie, hold a little tighter i might just slip away
It won't give up it wants me dead
Goddamn this noise inside my head

--- nine inch nails "becoming"

i do feel that way. for a while now. i'll have more time in the coming weeks to get things here. i'm sorry i left you for so long. so many things to tell. more later.

my treadmill 5K

yesterday i attempted to gauge my 5K time on the hotel treadmill. first i weighed myself then i put on my "running" music which consists of some speed metal and hardcore rock (static-x, chevelle, etc). i hit the "5K" button, input my weight, and randomly chose "level 5" not really knowing the specifics of level 5. now, when i run my normal 50 minute run, i set it at 7.5. i'm not sure if that's mph or just a random computer "level" setting on the treadmill, but 7.5 is a good pace for me. once i hit start, the "5K" program ramps you up through three stages through the first two minutes until you get to your 5K pace. it started at like 6.5 then moved up to 9.6 which was a bit brisk, then all hell broke loose as it ramped up to my final pace of 12.7. my heart dropped as i noticed the control panel was moving farther away from me... i was dangerously drifting away from the "SLOW THE FUKK DOWN" button. i lunged toward the button and was lucky enough to get it down to the "level 1" setting, around 7.5 where i like it.

all was safe... or so i thought. i guess i expected too much from the internal computer of the treadmill. it teased me by letting me get into a running comfort zone then, seemingly randomly, decided to speed up to 9.6 again. i seriously almost took a header like the dude in this video. i didn't go down, but i stumbled noticeably (though luckily no one was there to notice). i had to fight with the damn thing every 4-5 minutes to get back down to my comfy 7.5 setting. when i finished, i ended up where i expected, 5K in 25 minutes, but there were some technical difficulties, so i could probably trim a few minutes off. we'll see. i'll let you in on the joke next time i try it.

kat deluna is full of herself

i've been wanting to make another blog (to eventually ignore probably) about people are just kinda completely useless. it would be simple, a list of 5 or so people per week that just generally i find intolerable, and then one person (alive or dead) that is just cool or good or necessary. still, when i think about this page, i try to think of a name or format. originally, (the idea came to me in india), it was going to be called who would you assassinate? but, if you think back at who was leading out country at the time... if for some reason his name when on my blog, i fear i'd be short-listed by the secret service, possibly even getting a first-hand experience with water-boarding. so i couldn't use that title, i still haven't come up with anything good, but this is kinda of a pre-post for the blog, if i ever start it.



kat deluna is a flash-in-the-pan in my opinion. she's a chubby-faced, cookie-cutter pop star with limited sustainable talent. i'm not going to lie, i like her first hit, "whine up", but the first line (about 0:30 seconds in) of one of her more recent hits, "in the end", is just laughable. the first line is "i'm the textbook definition of a rebel...". seriously? come on, you're a pop star who dances in skimpy outfits and makes pouty faces to the camera in your videos. i don't know why that gets me goat, there is some sort of suspension of disbelief in music as there is in film, but it's like she REALLY is trying to be serious. it's kinda the same as when lil' wayne told katie couric that he's a gangsta... if you have to tell someone, then you probably aren't. it's one of those "understood" things. btw, the "textbook definition of a rebel" from dictionary.com is: a person who resists any authority, control, or tradition. yeah, fits her to a "T".

that was just on my mind. i know i have more important things to blog about that have been left on the back burner far too long. i'll be at it soon. here's lil' wayne at 0:45 letting "miss katie" know he's a gangsta.

a post of schizophrenic proportions a.k.a. the boredom of waiting

we came in to work today as we are pavlovianly trained to. alarm goes off, hit snooze a few times, roll out of bed, brush teeth, get dressed, and wander down to the car in a typical zombie-state. we knew there was nothing for us to do at work today. as mechs, we are waiting for the controls and electrical people to catch up. we came in on time because we thought there'd be a meeting about when we are going to start up the second unit. there wasn't, so here i sit with exactly fukk-all to do. so, i'll catch you up on some random, unimportant things that have been on my mind. alone they would not be worth a post, but together they will join forces to flesh out something possibly worthy to fill the screen.

• last week, TheMech drove us to work. when he'd gotten to the car, our driver was complaining of a migraine, though due to his flashy duds, we guessed he was at the disco all night and was just in no shape to drive. TheMech is always calling our driver out for driving too fast or overtaking when he shouldn't. i'm not as concerned, but i do agree, there is room for improvement. TheMech has taken defensive driving courses in the UK and is a good driver. about 30 minutes from site, there is a stretch of road where they hide a speed camera on occasion. TheMech knew about this, but thought the speed limit was 100 km/h when it's actually 90 km/h. maybe a kilometer after the speed trap, we pull off onto another road that goes towards the site. here, there is a police stop where they stop you if you were speeding. we got stopped. neil pulled over and gave the army guy his british license and his qatari driver's license. after some confusion, TheMech got out to talk to them (usually speaking english gets us off at checkpoints). i'm guessing the army guy didn't understand english or something because that got us nowhere. TheDriver got out and started arguing with the guy, arabic pomposity ensued, then TheDriver came back asking for 150 pounds ($30) for the fine). TheDriver went back over to the army guy and talked some more, then came back and said it was ok. the army guy didn't know how to send the ticket (for points) to the UK, so he let us off, and that was that.


• why do toilets take so long to fill up? inside is the inlet valve controlled by the float. why can't there be like a mad in-rush until the float stops it? i was just thinking about this the other day, not sure why. the site toilet was probably running and i wanted it to stop


• thursday night, TheMech, TheSiteLead, TheFemaleElectrical and i went out to dinner at a chinese restaurant at the top of the sofitel hotel on the corniche. i ordered spicy beef salad EXTRA SPICY. i specifically said, "i want you to make me cry!". i ended up eating my words, or rather, i would've if any cells in my mouth could function as they were supposed to. good GOD, they made it hot. what's even worse is TheMech said he wanted his soup the same way. mid-swallow, i said something that he apparently found damn funny, because he choked and got the crazy hot magma in his nose. he was tearing like mad. we couldn't finish our meals. stupid boys! i asked TheFemaleElectrical to see her phone, i wanted to text her manager. she didn't think i'd go through with it. i texted her manager, as her, "i'm really tired of this field engineering life. i'm not cut out for it. i think i'd like to work at KFC or mcdonald's. can we talk about this sometime?"... then to her disbelief, i hit "send". she then texted him to apologize for her stupid colleagues playing a prank. after dinner we tried to get into a few clubs and were turned away because we didn't have reservations. one, called "montreal", was ALMOST going to let us in, but some nerd-looking dude who was apparently the manager or something looked out the door, and we didn't make the cut. the bouncer was fukking HUGE, complete steroid junkie with a painted on shirt. TheMech says he has "sugar muscles". when it was clear we weren't going to get in and with a bit of the liquid courage kicking in, i told sugar muscles that he was very pretty and i loved him very much in arabic. he didn't kill me, but i don't think he liked it. stupid boys! after getting turned down, we went back to the hotel bar to figure out what to do next. a round of tequilas was ordered to induce creativity. TheFemaleElectrical doesn't drink, so i had hers as well... then we had a second round. we decided on going to the cabaret i went to several weeks ago until 4:30AM on a work night. TheMech was going to call it a night, but i peer pressured him with typical machismo insults (pussy, old man, punk) until he caved. TheSiteLead got a call and dashed off, so it was the three of us on our way. we were meeting some other guys from site there. and that's the next story


• at the cabaret, we met three guys from site, two of whom i'd gone with before. they were throwing back drinks, the cabaret was really smoky, food was ordered, TheMech and i got beers while TheFemaleElectrical got a pop. after a few drinks and the tequilas coursing through our veins, we ended up dancing with the girls. i REALLY shouldn't dance, especially to egyptian music. it was ugly. and for your amusement, i've posted the video that TheFemaleElectrical took of our inebriated arses dancing like fools. i'm not sure why she turned the camera sideways half way through. stupid girls!

that's enough embarrassment for now.

why, trent, why?

i hate to do this to NIN, i love the band, but i guess everyone has skeletons in their closet. here it is... nine inch nails on dance part USA. i'm so sorry!

.

heavy-metal heartbreak

this is coal chamber's, "untrue". i've been a fan for a long time but never listened to the words (also in the info bar if you go to youtube). that beginning starts out a bit strange, but give it a chance. i suppose i never really thought of heavy-metal rock boys getting jealous, what with all their groupies and the like. who knew?

harder, better, faster, stronger - interpretive dance

Daft Bodies - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger



i like this song, i like the few dances that have come out of late choreographing to it, but this one is the best so far. i really like literal interpretations of songs. the beginning starts out slow and kinda disorganized (i don't think these girls are cheerleaders), but when they get into the lyrics... straight-up bad-assedness.

apparently, that vid was inspired by the "HBFS" hands vid, here.



and it all started with this. here is the first "HBFS" dance vid i saw and i was hooked.

tonight was a scene from a movie

1. find a good friend for a favor


2. find a country road, grass or trees along the edge, hillocks or small hills just beyond the road's edge


3. on a cloudy night, under a navy sky, the hills blue-gray, and the grass lit only by the stray overflow of your headlights, have your friend drive you on this road you've found


4. roll your window down


5. put on any enya song ("caribbean blue" worked well for me)


6. stare out the the passenger window, watching the grass blur past, and the background hills drowsily roll by...


7. ... and just relax, think, take it in

this all happened to me quite accidentally tonight on the way to work. our driver had just gotten off the highway onto the little country road that leads to the plant. i was in the passenger seat (on the left side of the car as this ONCE used to be a british colony), just biding my time until i arrived at my next 13+ hour nightshift, and enya came on my iPod. i happened to look out the open window, and it felt like a sad scene from a movie. the sense of movement but in no particular direction; certainly none of importance. just moving, moving, moving, but not living. it was a sad movie, not one i'm sure i'd want to see in it's entirety. i think soon, there must be a dramatic twist or uncharacteristic action.

i think soon, the writer and director will have to have to agree on a significant re-write.

is this a nervous breakdown?

i seriously doubt it, but i can't get the strangest songs out of my head:

• luke bryan - all my friends say


• spice girls - 2 become 1


• robert palmer - addicted to love


• the killers - bones

AND, i'm seriously concerned about that britney boy. are kids nowadays really that crazy, especially over pop stars? i mean she's no elvis presley, or the beatles (but i didn't see all the woo-hoo about them either). i'm hoping he's just a really good actor trying to use youtube as an audition for crazy-person roles. still, i shouldn't be concerned. i need to sleep. i think i have the insomnia again. damn nightshift.

"i want to see you," she said

i would have to say, the weekend jules and i shared in salt lake city was probably one of our best.

several days before, she called me letting me know i didn't have to come to the wedding. we both knew what was going to happen out there, and she didn't want me to feel obligated, or to come with false hope. i assured her i wanted to come, i wanted to at least see her one more time, and i wanted to do this in person. i'd said time and time again... "if it doesn't hurt, it didn't mean anything", and i wanted the past 2 years to mean something. breaking up via e-mail, phone calls, and distance hurt, but not enough, not like it should. it would've been too impersonal.

i'd worked up a plan that i had little hope she'd go for, but it was worth a try. we knew what was going to happen, so i wanted, as soon as we met up at the airport (our flights were to land within 15 minutes of each other around 10:30AM friday morning), that we'd go to the hotel, get out the "why's", the "who's", the "how's", we'd talk it all out, then (and here's the part i didn't think would fly), i was hoping we could spend the weekend as a couple, smile, laugh, kiss, flirt, etc., and then "sign the paperwork" at the airport monday, when we caught our separate flights.

that plan didn't go through 100%, but things did end up working out spectacularly. jules was supposed to land at 10:15AM, and i was supposed to at 10:30AM. i'd arrived an hour early, but there was no gate, so we ended up waiting on the tarmac until we got out original gate, that sucked. jules arrived about 15 minutes early, and they actually got to their gate LATE for some reason, so i was in the baggage claim, thinking maybe she'd gone to the rental car desk already, when actually she hadn't gotten off the plane yet. there was a group of missionaries on my flight from columbus to SLC, and they were WAY behind me. i was already in the baggage claim waiting, when i heard of roar of cheers and clapping as the missionaries descended the stairs into the baggage claim. those mormons LOVE their missionaries. well, jules was coming down the stairs around about the same time, and she walked past the crowd over to me. we hadn't seen each other in 3 months, since our rendezvous in the west of ireland, and we kinda knew the situation, so their was a bit of awkwardness as we stood together. we hugged, and i wasn't sure if a kiss was appropriate so that was scratched from the schedule. our bags came quickly enough, and while waiting for them, we'd made plans with a friend of hers in SLC to meet for drinks and brunch. my plan was off-track so soon.

we made our way to hertz where we picked up a new ford mustang... it's my vacation, too, and i wanted to show off with some american muscle. we throw our bags in, and as i back it out of the spot, something doesn't sound right... maybe brakes rubbing? i pull forward a bit, still sounds strange, i stop and check that the e-brake isn't on, that's ok, so i keep going. the faster i go, the worse it gets, and maybe 1/2 mile outside the rental garage, i ask jules to stick her hea dout and look at the tires... completely flat front right tire. COME ON!!! this is a rental car, i shouldn't HAVE to check that. it was too far (and hot) to leave the car and walk back, and since it was their fault, i wasn't too concerned in driving it around the ring road back to he garage. we get back, i park the car as close to the desk as possible, and go complain. while i'm complaining, the security guard tells jules to move it, it's in the way of such and such, so she gave the guy the keys and told HIM to move it. it's broke, and she's done with it. i tell hertz the issue, and they ask how I got the flat. what!? i've been gone 2 minutes, you gave it to me the way!!! after a bit of debate, they decided to replace the car, but they didn't have another mustang, would i be OK with a dodge charger? that's the car i wanted in the first place, but it was a bit pricey for a weekend where we MIGHT not drive too much. so they gave me a charger (took about 40 minutes to get it there), and we were on our way.

we went to the hotel, dropped the bags, and went to meet TheJo (her female college friend) at a local bar. in SLC, you have to be a member to get into bars... that means you pay an exorbitant fee the first time, you get free t-shirts and drink glasses you forget to take with you the 1st time (and only get on the first time), and you get to bring 7 MORE people everytime you show up, rock on. we went, we drank, we ate, it was a good time. jules and i went back to the hotel and talked about the wedding present. i didn't want to wake up early on saturday to get it, so i offered the choice to get it that day, they had a target registry, let's do it NOW, and save the hassle. we did, i picked the first thing i saw that i thought was great, she agreed but wanted to look, we looked, we decided on my thing, and dropped it off back at the hotel. i'm guessing we went for dinner and drinks, but i can't recall, for the life of me, where. jules, TheJo, and i ended up at ami and chris's (the couple getting married) that night where i met several of the close friend's invited to the wedding. i had a good time, though i was a bit tired/jet-lagged/drunk.

that night we fell asleep talking about "us"... what went wrong? was there any glimmer of hope? was it me? did she find someone else? etc. the answers were, respectively, we were living separate lives - the distance got to be too much for her; not really; it wasn't me; she didn't find anyone else. it was tough for me to accept, but that's the way it had to be: in person, we had to see each other cry over this ending.

the next day, we talked a bit more before starting the day, and she was cool with the breaking up monday thing. that was awesome, cuz i missed kissing her. i missed everything about her. the wedding was a late one, 5PM, right outside our hotel, so we got up and had brunch at a place we'd gone to several times (squatter's, i believe). we went to TheJo's place where the girls talked about outfits and comfy shoes that don't match so well as opposed to 4" heels that'll hurt but look better. girls! after figuring that out, jules and i went back to the hotel with TheJo coming in about 15 minutes. when TheJo got to our hotel room (you needed to put the room key in a slot in the elevator to get to our floor, how cool?), they wrapped the gift we'd gotten, then we goofed around, listened to music, and went to the wedding.

the wedding was really nice. it was outside the hotel in their side courtyard thing. the only thing they might've thought more about was the unity candle as they had a hard time keeping it lit in the wind. it was a bit warm at sunset, but there were water and drinks available to the guests as they were seated. the ceremony was nice and short. it was a mix of denomination-free and hindu wedding rituals, as ami is of indian-descent. the wedding was small, with the matron of honor being ami's sister, pervi, and chris's best man being his brother (i believe). there was an exuberant flower girl who barreled down the aisle and dropped the flowers at the end as an afterthought.

the reception was just a few steps from where the ceremony was held, on the tiered-lawn outside the hotel. the appetizer and food table was set up at one end of the lawn, and the open bar at the other with a nice removable parquet dance floor in between. the food was great, the drinks were flowing, and pervi wanted me to dance. i'm not a big dancer, but i have been dancing quite a bit lately come to think of it. i still need a few drinks to get the joints loosened up, though. pervi asked me to dance, and i told her i needed about an hour. wouldn't ya know it, almost exactly an hour later, she comes up and drags me onto the dance floor as they'd started playing "grease lightning" from grease. i was resisting, but it was futile. as soon as my feet hit the dancefloor, i was breaking it down. it just hit my out of the blue, and we DANCED!!! i don't recall if the floor was empty or we emptied it, but it didn't take too long, and we were the only ones on the floor. my high school theater skills came back en force. pervi and i acted out every line of the song, we danced, we played to the audience, it was craziness. i thought we were done when that song was over, but they immediately played "summer lovin'". we couldn't let our captive audience down, so we did that one too. i'm SOOOO glad i don't have a copy of the movie, but sadly, the bride and groom do, and due to the events of the weekend, odds of me running into ami and chris again are even slimmer now, so i might be lucky enough not to see the movie. everyone we ran into the rest of the night thanked us for the great show, but i still felt bad for being so outlandish. after that, we did the typical reception thing. jules and i danced SOOO much. we slow danced, we two-stepped, we did the "cha cha slide" (the first time in my existence). i even dragged her up to dance a few times. i knew it'd more than likely be the last time, so i had to get my fill. it was a really great wedding/reception, day/night, one of those you want to last longer than it will.

the next day, jules, TheJo, and i went to ami and chris's to take them our gift, since we didn't bring it to the wedding. i figured we'd take it to the reception, but since the reception was immediately after, we didn't have a chance to go to the room. we helped them move their excess alcohol from the garage to their root cellar, we looked at their awesome gifts, and had a few drinks. we talked about where they were going for their honeymoon (crap, i forget... peru, and maybe ecuador, and mexico on the way back. something like that). after talking about what they should eat before they go (indian or sushi, since they won't get either where they were going), we decided to go to get sushi for dinner. i'd only had the supermarket, pre-fabbed sushi before, and liked it so i was game. WOW!!! i'd never had REAL sushi, and it seriously... it was love at first bite (a bit gimmicky, i know). we ordered like 20 plates or something like that and killed them all. it was the best.

after that, we dropped ami and chris off with a chance of meeting them at a bar later, and we took TheJo home. we hoped ami and chris would make it out, but they had packing and honeymoon stuff to do, so we weren't surprised when they didn't show up. jules and i had gone to this bar before the last time we were in SLC. it was OK, loud music, pool tables, etc. we sat at the bar and talked. we drank and talked and drank and talked. we didn't want the night to end, as this was going to be our last together, so we drew it out as long as we could. it was really nice just sitting and talking, kinda how we started the relationship. it was funny how there were a lot of parallels to how we started and ended. we met each other at the hotel bar in india for work, our last night together, we sat at a bar, talking laughing, etc (but without the tour of the closed park and ATM machine we made during our first encounter). we/i kinda determined our anniversary date would be the night before i left india for red's wedding in 2005. i stopped by her room to drop off my bags the night before i was to leave, but i was invited in and we talked until the sun came up and i needed to catch my ride to the airport. if it weren't for that wedding, maybe we wouldn't've started dating, and we ended it officially at her friend's wedding.

the next day, we woke up, packed, and hit the road. we went to jules' gate where we sat and kinda pondered in silent the end. i'm a romantic, so it was tough for me. i get choked up easily, so anytime i tried to talk, it was more squeaks and fighting back tears. that's me, i can't help it. we had fun together, we were good together, we were DAMN sexy together, and i didn't want it to end, but such is life and love. we hugged and kissed and said our goodbyes as they called her flight. there was no made-for-the-movies change of mind, no heroic running through the terminal to stop a bad decision; it was just her boarding a plane, and me putting my sunglasses on as i walked away to find my way home without making a scene, hah. and that was the end of one of the best weekends we'd ever had. and my... those legs!!! how i'll miss them.

ironically, i finished this post today, 24-july-07, what would've been our 2-year anniversary. i've been struggling over writing this for about 3 weeks now, funny how the timing worked out. jules and i still e-mail on occasion. it's still tough for me, but, again, i'm a hopeless romantic... i have no chance. not so much that i even want it to though, but that is far more than what this post is about. thanks for taking the ride with me.

the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had

this has to be one of the saddest (but still amazing) songs i've ever heard, and you know me... guess what i'm listening to. actually i just stumbled on the video (which i've never seen). the song is from the donnie darko soundtrack, a strangely great movie.

her birthday, my gift, and... WOW, this post got away from me

jules and i had conferred by e-mail a while ago about her birthday, and i asked if we might be able to talk, at least for a little bit, on her birthday. she called me when she got home from work yesterday, just about the same time as i got back to the hotel. we talked for 20 minutes or so. i did the typical "hanging up on her by accident because i tried to transfer to the bluetooth she hates so much" thing, so i called her back. it was good, we both agreed, to hear each other's voice. i'm not sure what more to make of it until we get to SLC. there were things i forgot to tell her, and others i just didn't to maintain the conversational comfort level. i can add those to the ongoing e-mail i'm writing. there were a few awkward pauses, but it wasn't too bad. my mind runs a million scenarios a minute (i should be a quantum computer), and i've run a few already. some good, some bad, based on minutia of the conversation, timelines, things left unsaid and whatnot.

she says my mind is an amazing thing. i don't agree so (see above OCD-esque paranoia, fear, whatever-you-want-to-call-it). i'm not a normal man. my mind is torturous, convoluted, and overly analytical. it's a painful thing i carry with me everyday. it wakes me up, puts one foot in front of the other, breathes involuntarily, and randomly breaks into pictures, scenarios, yearns, theoreticals that threaten to tear me apart incessantly, all the day long, until i force it to sleep. it's a confused and scared thing that doesn't know what to do with it's free time. i'm not a normal man. i write and write and write what i want to say but don't know if i should. i want it to be read but don't know if it should. it lives the songs i hear, directs internal movies, writes the saddest stories of all time, and then destroys them... no one needs to feel that. my mind is a looping trainwreck. i'm not a normal man, but i try to fit in with them. they suggest things i just cannot do. they suggest things that i may have to do in the end. that rarely bothers me, but in certain situations, and i don't know, if i was asked, if i could be. i play sad songs when i'm sad, because i want the hurt to bring the tears that won't come. if i hurt, i keep picking, there can be found a euphoria buried deep in there. i'm not a normal man. i don't believe normal men feel like this. the drink or fukk the pain, the fear, away, i think they have to have another way of coping that i don't have. i'm barely functional, if all men were like this i think the world would nearly stop. i'm not a normal man, i'm not normal, i'm not.

i always thought it was ok, but i'm tired of feeling like this. distant sounds good, cold would be great, detached... amazing; but i've been dealt my cards and played them this way. no do-over's in this game. can't change the past, and THAT is the essence of the chaos theory. i'm not a normal man... a month and a half ago, i was OK with that. since then, my mind hasn't been so sure. it's not an amazing thing alone. maybe i'll make a poem out of the "i'm not a normal man" thing.

that's not to say the conversation was bad. it was great. i wouldn't've traded it for the world. i need to figure out a way... anyways, now go listen to jeff buckley, he was a genius. perfect for a time like this. free spirits stay free, no matter the waves and the wind.

last goodbye

hallelujah (probably my favorite)

lover, you should've come over

lilac wine

i'll sing...



doesn't that sound like some emo teenage angsty stuff? lovely.

blue october

i've heard a few songs by this band on the radio here in canada (since i don't have my sirius up here... hmm, wonder if it works in canada... anyways), and didn't realize they were the same band. granted the guys has a distinguishable voice, i just think a bunch of th newer bands all sound the same so i never really listened for more than background music. i really like the first one here, "hate me", i like the turmoiled relationship part of the second verse the best. then the second, "into the ocean", i just really like the sound of the chorus, the beat is pretty different. i just added their latest CD to my amazon.com cart, now i just need something else costing $15.01 to get my free super saver shipping. what else can i buy? tell me what you think about the vids. i LOVE comments. and their are some vids and lyrics at the ZUMEL as well.


blue october - hate me


blue monday - into the ocean

random stuff i've forgotten to write about

• on the radio, every day on the way to work, i get to hear the "rodeo roundup". apparently rodeo-ing is BIG in canada. i wouldn't think big enough to put it on the radio, but i guess, so.
• also, yesterday on the way to work, i heard the weather forecast. i have to get used to metric. the forecast called for 14-15mm of rain, winds up to 40km/h, and a low of 14°C. my head almost split trying to convert all those at once while driving (for us imperialists, that's just over 1/2" of rain, winds up to about 25mph, and just shy of 59°F).
• i picked up a bad habit from jules in india of sleeping in until pretty much the last minute, throwing on the clothes, and heading to work. today, i must've done it too quick, because my brain was NOT awake. i left my room, walked to the elevator, and started pushing the unlock button on my rental car key fob to open the doors. it took me about 10 seconds to figure out why the elevator doors weren't opening, so i then pushed the ELEVATOR call button. then, driving to work i take CA-11. CA-11 splits off from 30th ave at a 90° angle after about 5 minutes being on it. about 20 minutes of driving i realize, i have no clue where i am. i was daydreaming and completely missed the turn off, so i had to make a U-ey, book it back to the CA-11, and barely made it to work on time.
• i forgot to post this sunday morning on my way home from work: there's nothing like leaving work 6:00AM, sunday morning, for your day off, driving 100mph with the windows down in a foreign country (even if that country is canada) while rocking out to stealer's wheel - "stuck in the middle with you". i felt alive, being different from the rest of the world. canadian roads are DEAD on sunday mornings.

i think that's about all for the update.

i'm hungry

i was unusually hungry today when i got to work and i realized, it's because i hadn't eaten in over 24 hours. yesterday was my day off so i slept til about 2PM, had a few drinks at the hotel bar then called the dayshift TA to get into something. we grabbed dinner at boston pizza (they have AMAZING baked ravioli and lasagna) around 5PM and had a few drinks at his hotel bar, so we could drop off the car and take taxis where we needed to go.

we went to a bar called "the vat" that had a sort of open mike night. they have a house band to play backup if necessary. there was a lady singing just slightly off key when we walked in but she wasn't TOO bad, then this kid, maybe 20, got on stage. he sang and played guitar accompanied by the house bassist and drummer. this kid was amazing. he played just about every genre you could think of and had crazy fast fingers. i was thoroughly impressed, i really need to practice my guitar. after he was done, we sat through a few more acts, then went to a club/disco called "branley's", i believe. field guys like to chase tail. me not so much, but the dayshift TA wanted to try to pick someone up. we drank a few more, and, DAMMIT, i danced again. this is getting ridiculous. i wasn't really feeling the groove, but tried to force it anyway. it was all good fun. the dayshift TA said i was doing pretty good, but he was drunk. we left at closing (it closed at 12:30 since it was sunday), the taxi dropped me off at my hotel then took him to his. i kinda felt sorry for him, as he had to be at work at 7AM and i had all day to sleep it off. i'm feeling A-OK right now, and that brings me back to the starting topic. it's 8:30PM, and i need to get something in my belly. i'm starving... 27.5 hours without food is WAY too long for a man of my stature. more after breakfast.

rock on, cyanide and happiness guitar man

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

hahhahahahhahah, i gotta learn to hold my guitar, er... i mean, PLAY my guitar.

i like sad songs but...

whoooo, if i listened to counting crows throughout this entire encounter, i might not make it. the remedy... prong. i love the random feature on winamp. i needed it there. yikes.

when the levee breaks

about 2.5 years ago, i had an assignment in tempe, AZ, doing some nightshift maintenance work. i had to go in at 9AM for safety orientation, then had the whole day off to dick around and get time-oriented (which meant i should've slept), but instead i went to the mall. i like cinemas and malls because of the people. i'm horrible at talking to people (but i'm learning), but i do my best to at least TRY to have some sort of interaction with them... malls seem to work for me. i like the band, tool, and the lead singer has a side project (that in turn, has kinda become a full-fledged project itself) called a perfect circle, and they'd just released a new CD called emotive. it's a CD of old anti-war rally song covers, and two original anti-war songs from the band. it is a powerful CD, i listened to it over and over and over again driving around the tempe area, windows down, stereo blasting. excellent. i know a lot of people say john lennon's imagine, is untouchable but they covered it with such emotion, flattening out the notes, changed syllabic stresses. it's truly moving, goosebumps and shite.

i'm listening to it now. for some reason, i find it comforting or motivating or something considering my own situation, though how so, i couldn't quantify. i seriously would recommend this CD for anyone who is into rock, and likes good music/covers. even if you aren't anti-war, the music is excellent.

my favorites are:

• let's have a war
• when the levee breaks
• fiddle and the drum
• imagine
• counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums

MTV

yeah, MTV is a joke. music television shows approximately 24 hours of music a week (14%). most of that music is shown between the hours of 4AM - 7AM with a bit of an extension on saturday, i believe. how disgustingly awful. i remember i used to LOVE MTV back in the day. when it started going downhill into all reality/soap operas, luckily i was in cleveland going to college and found much music. granted, there were bands i didn't recognize since it's a canadian based channel, but it was MUSIC. so that's it. i don't think i'm gonna be in the mood to be cheery and witty for the next couple days/weeks/months. we'll see. wish me luck

MTV...blah

new poll over to the left. please check it out. without peeking at the site, take a guess how much music MTV plays in a week (168 hours). i wanna see how close you can get. i'll post the correct answer in a week or so. later.