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17 January 2009

my new NYE outfit

so, for NYE, i asked TheSteadman and TheEJ to dress me. turning over a new leaf requires a new wardrobe. if i picked it myself, it'd be the same ol' T-shirts and baggy painter's jeans from old navy, so i asked them to take me shopping, pick something out, and i had NO veto power. i'd wear what they put me in.

we wandered into stores i'd never ventured into before. usually because i was sure they didn't have anything my size, and i also felt they were a bit too... preppy for me? i was a grunge kid in high school and college, it just fit. abercrombie and fitch and their rugby shirts with popped collars just weren't for me. the closest i'd get to that was american eagle and only recently old navy. so, we shopped around for a bit in the freezing cold at easton in columbus, going from one pop store to another, looking at this and that. we even ventured into the bane of my existence in high school, banana republic. there, the girls found me a pair of jeans that actually fit. that is, they were the right waist size, right length, and the crotch was where it was supposed to be rather than the lower position of the "loose fit" jeans i normally wear. as this was a new experience for me, i was a bit uncomfortable in jeans that "fit", i don't think i was pouting though TheSteadman laughed at me several times when i came out of the changing room to show them, saying i looked like i was miserable. i ended up buying the "fit" jeans... EIGHTY-FIVE frickin' dollars!!! but they looked good, at least, that's what the girls said going so far as to elucidate that the pants even complimented my "little butt", which is virtually non-existent and definitely not accentuated in my normal baggy pants.

we were having a hard time finding shirts for me at the fancy stores, seriously, they just don't make XXL shirts that are REALLY XXL at those kind of stores. i think they print XXL on them so the scrawny kids can think they are bigger than they are when they buy them, i don't know, but they don't fit right from "those" stores. i think we ended up at macy's or penney's or some store like that going through the "big and tall" section (for the boys who wore the "husky" jeans when they were little). actually, i don't think we made it to the "big and tall" section, but we wandered around in there, the girls found a nice button down shirt and, of all things, a sweater vest. WTF?! am i jim tressel or something. that's for old people, grandpas, and the like. i tried them on and the girls approved, so i purchased the items and we were on our way (these items were FAR more reasonably priced).

later that night, around 6:30 or so, TheEJ and i made our way to the bar that we'd bought tickets to. it was EASY to get to, 10 minute walk (though it was a bit cold). left out of the hotel, immediate right onto high street, then after 2-3 blocks left onto vine street. that easy! the BTBz and associated BTGz arrived (sans TheChump and TheMrsChump, as his back was rough, he had to work later, and TheMrsChump had to work in the morning). we drank, reveled, several times in the night i even danced, on the dance floor no less. the ball dropped, i think i kissed EVERYONE, BTBz included. we drank the crappy free champagne toast. since we were butted up to the bar for seats, and the unused crappy champagne was in plastic flutes in front of us, i started hammering 'em. they're free, i mean, come on! well, jumping ahead, i seriously paid for that in the morning. around about 12:30AM, apparently, i looked at TheEJ and said "i gotta go home". the night had finally caught up with me. somehow, she dragged me back to the hotel, i suspect like a dog on a leash, because i don't think i could keep my head up. she asked how to get back to the hotel, and i couldn't remember. recall the directions above, it was CAKE, but i couldn't remember. she found a policeman/security guard/something-or-other and asked him directions to the hotel, it was basically right in front of us, the big, tall black building. now this part i'm not sure of... now either this happened or she thought it would've been funny if it happened. as i'm wobbling unsteadily outside the hotel, all by my lonesome in the cold with nothing to lean on, the policeman in the hotel asks her if that drunk fella outside (me) was bothering her. now, she could've said 'yes' and had a much easier and quicker walk home, but she was kind enough to say she was dragging me back to drop me off at my hotel. i made it back, passed out immediately, and tomorrow was another day (oh, the champagne headache)...

all that story for this one picture of me dressing like a normal human being. oh, and being the bastion of fashion that i am; apparently, sweater vests are in. there were LOADS of them at the bar that night. what do i know?

myself in my new clothes, TheSteadman, and TheJHo


Blogger themom said...

You look great...and jeans that fit - who woulda thunk it?!?!?!

5:01 PM, January 17, 2009  
Blogger Big Love said...

I feel your pain about not finding an ample selection of XXL. I have a google alert for the term 'big and tall'. Sorry for lurking. Just want you to know that you're not alone. Join the revolution at

11:00 PM, January 17, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAH DUDE, Big Love's sending you to "Full figured fella" HAH HAH HAH. He digs you man!

(Sorry, I just find it really freaking funny!)

11:33 PM, January 18, 2009  
Anonymous jared said...

Dude, all I'm sayin' is you've got to get crackin on the Zac Sac... should be able to find some seamstress or something in Egypt that can hook you up!

2:29 PM, January 19, 2009  
Blogger swedish chef dave said...

you know those arab shirts that come down to your feet, that would have been pefect with long johns and a head dress to keep you warm for the new years party, I will catch up for a few beers some time this year, either in Egypt of Gawd knows where, but dude you looked pretty snappy in your stuff glad you had a good night out but you should know by now not to drink the shit they throw about for free,
later from Big Love 2

3:00 PM, January 19, 2009  
Blogger B-Town J.H.C. said...

I always look like I squint when I take a photo. Like Eddie Murphy looking up into a cop's flashlight while hooking up with a transvestite prostitute.

10:14 PM, January 22, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually I recognize the guy on the right from a xxx movie I once saw.

1:48 PM, January 26, 2009  

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