2:00AM +
it's 2:15AM, and i can't sleep. i seem to get crazy insomnia when i'm single. not sure why, not like i can sleep next to my girlfriend all the time, but knowing that i have one, i guess, puts my mind at ease.
i had a good time with the BTBz this weekend, and as usual, i'm kinda lonely now. no one to really talk to, hang out with, distract myself with. TheMom and i went out to see transformers, and i found it to be really good. i was impressed.
i sat outside for a bit, looked at the stars. they are my kindred. i get so overwhelmed. what is the minimum amount of photons necessary for the eye to register light (the best i can find is about 7 photons)? so i need at least 7 photons to hit my eye for me to even register a little star. but EVERYONE on earth can see that star, so that's an amazing amount of photons hitting the earth for this TINY little star (at least from our distance, it looks tiny), and we are only in a few arc-seconds of it's path. it is radiating spherically expanding throughout the entire universe. how much energy that must be? photons dissipate (i believe) at the square of the distance from the source. for example, if there are 16 photons at the source, there might be 4 only one meter away, and 2 at two meters away. if i need 7 photons just to register a flash (we'll assume 25 for a flickering star), that means halfway between here and there (many hundreds of light years), there are at least 625 photons... halve that distance and you have on the order of 360,000 photons (and you are still hundreds of light years away). the numbers involved in space are mind-boggling... but for some reason, i find a sense of peace in them. we are so small, so insignificant in the order of the universe, but we try to find a way, a path to this thing we invented called "happiness". we try so hard, and in a blink **POOF**, we'll be gone, humans as a whole, and no one will know any better. despite that bleak future, we strive on. we smile, we play, we love, and make love, we buy and sell, procreate. we do what we have to do to pass the time.
i'm not a normal man. this inevitability, the insignificance calms me. it gives me a reason, that no matter how unimportant we are, we only have a short time to play with, so short that if there are other life-forms out there (there must be), odds are they'll never know we existed. in that time, we have to experience all we can of this precious thing called life. we have to do what we can to be happy. this vaguely came back to my current situation. sometimes, what makes you happy isn't for someone else. that's tough to deal with on a personal level, it hurts, but universally, time is so short, that can't be worried about. pain is even more fleeting than our existence.
i know that was a bit of a loosely organized, wild-eyed stream of consciousness rant. i apologize, maybe i'll try to structure it a bit more later. i think there was more i wanted to say in there, maybe i already did, and can't see it.
i had a good time with the BTBz this weekend, and as usual, i'm kinda lonely now. no one to really talk to, hang out with, distract myself with. TheMom and i went out to see transformers, and i found it to be really good. i was impressed.
i sat outside for a bit, looked at the stars. they are my kindred. i get so overwhelmed. what is the minimum amount of photons necessary for the eye to register light (the best i can find is about 7 photons)? so i need at least 7 photons to hit my eye for me to even register a little star. but EVERYONE on earth can see that star, so that's an amazing amount of photons hitting the earth for this TINY little star (at least from our distance, it looks tiny), and we are only in a few arc-seconds of it's path. it is radiating spherically expanding throughout the entire universe. how much energy that must be? photons dissipate (i believe) at the square of the distance from the source. for example, if there are 16 photons at the source, there might be 4 only one meter away, and 2 at two meters away. if i need 7 photons just to register a flash (we'll assume 25 for a flickering star), that means halfway between here and there (many hundreds of light years), there are at least 625 photons... halve that distance and you have on the order of 360,000 photons (and you are still hundreds of light years away). the numbers involved in space are mind-boggling... but for some reason, i find a sense of peace in them. we are so small, so insignificant in the order of the universe, but we try to find a way, a path to this thing we invented called "happiness". we try so hard, and in a blink **POOF**, we'll be gone, humans as a whole, and no one will know any better. despite that bleak future, we strive on. we smile, we play, we love, and make love, we buy and sell, procreate. we do what we have to do to pass the time.
i'm not a normal man. this inevitability, the insignificance calms me. it gives me a reason, that no matter how unimportant we are, we only have a short time to play with, so short that if there are other life-forms out there (there must be), odds are they'll never know we existed. in that time, we have to experience all we can of this precious thing called life. we have to do what we can to be happy. this vaguely came back to my current situation. sometimes, what makes you happy isn't for someone else. that's tough to deal with on a personal level, it hurts, but universally, time is so short, that can't be worried about. pain is even more fleeting than our existence.
i know that was a bit of a loosely organized, wild-eyed stream of consciousness rant. i apologize, maybe i'll try to structure it a bit more later. i think there was more i wanted to say in there, maybe i already did, and can't see it.
posted by slyght at 7/09/2007 02:14:00 AM
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