randomness

battle of the blogs over at blogexplosion.com is kicking my ass. i have a 1-4 record now. the last one was a shoe-in. i forget who i went against but it was a bunch of mediocre pictures. no witty repartee, no off-the-wall questions, no hyperbolas... how could i lose. well i did. that was the last straw. i don't know what to do better. apparently my blog sucks ass or is only funny to those select few i've e-mailed to read it. dammit, and i thought i was doing so good. so anyways, on to the things i thought made this blog stand out which might in turn be the major turn-off factor.

i was thinking about boogers this morning. what are boogers? i'm guessing they are the nasal equivalent of pearls. pearls get a bit of sand in them, the get irritated, they puke on it to soothe the irritation, and then divers pry them open to place said puke on strings that hang around the necks of prehistoric female aristocrats. i don't see anything along the same lines happening with boogers (thought they are in the nasal cavities of prehistoric female aristocrats). i think boogers are like the oyster vomit. i'm guessing we get some dust particle or some such thing in our nose and the snot builds up on it, then due to respiration, some of the moistness of the snot is carried away and you get a booger that ranges from slimy to semi-soft to crunchy. so kids, DON'T EAT BOOGERS!! they're just made of dust and 90% of dust is dead people skin. yummy!

onto the zoological realm. there is a house next to our hotel that i can see from my window. i noticed several weeks back that they had turkeys. then i noticed they had doves (or some other chubby white bird capable of flight). then i noticed they had rabbits. today i saw the rabbits hopping around the front yard of the hotel and it took me back to the days when we had pet rabbits. those things shite like mad, tons of little rabbit spheres under the cage (it was hanging on a fence). now my question is... why is rabbit shite spherical? i can't see holding a bunch of spheres in one's rectum to be an efficient use of space. therefore that rabbit would have the urge to pooh well before his rectum is completely full. let's assume for example that a rabbit pooh pellet is of radius unity, that yields a volume of 3.14 units (πr² = π*1²). if you placed this sphere in a cube (the most efficient shape to represent a finite element of a full rectum) of side length 2 equal to the diameter of the sphere, you get an volume of 8 units (LxWxH = 2x2x2). the rabbit pooh pellet it only about 40% as efficient as a rectum that has compressible pooh and no shape preference. such a waste of life on going to the bathroom 2.5 times more in ones life.

furthermore, what makes the shape so? is it an internal grinding motion such as if you take some very flour-y dough and roll it in your hands it crumbles to smaller more stable balls o' dough? i think it is more like a play dough toy inside that takes the excrement and extrudes it into a bowl thingy until is fills up like a sphere. or, more likely... the rabbits are on drugs like speed or something. ever see their noses twitchin' like mad. maybe their sphincter is doing the same. they wanna pooh normal, maybe it is compressed but when they go to do the deed, the brown eye keeps spasming this causing spheres. yeah i think that's it.

and with that, i believe i've reached close to rock-bottom. i think i've figured out why i keep losing my blog battles. i, uh... yeah, i know that was bad. i'll try better next time.