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16 March 2006

biblical observations I: god vacations in july

i decided to start reading the bible (it's my bathroom reading material). i'm not converting or anything, so don't worry there, i just figured it's one of those things that even many christians don't do, and i'd see what all the fuss was about. this should be part 3 or so, but on occasion, depending on what i read in the book, i'll post about some of the stranger parts of the bible that some people might not know about.

earlier i blogged about some stuff without making it a "set". like abraham's daughters got him drunk and had sex with him. there were no young guys around and they were worried about having babies. any port in the storm, i guess, but how fukked up is that? not only is it incest, but it's also an orgy, in-breeding, and date rape. this could possibly be the first case of a deadbeat dad/pappy and those hussies are gonna get a reputation (since they weren't married, they should be having sex).

currently i'm just about to finish leviticus (makes me think of the borg drone, locutus), and delve into numbers (i hear THAT'S a fun one *sarcasm*). leviticus has a lot of the rules. here's what i've learned.
  • no idols, no adultery, blah blah blah.
  • you shall not pierce yourself or make marks (tattoos) on your body or no heaven for you. your body is your gift from god and you aren't to abuse it so.
  • you aren't supposed to shave your beard, ever.

  • god vacations in july (see below points)

  • july 1st is to be like the sabbath, no work

  • july 10th is to be like the sabbath, no work

  • july 15th and for 7 days is to be like the sabbath, no work

  • every 7 years, there's to be no work in the fields, no planting, no sowing, for the entire year, so farmers get a year off.

  • you can't see ANYONE naked... mom, dad, sisters, brothers, uncles, etc.

  • i believe you can't sleep with your wife while she's on her period (dirty the entire time), anything she gets blood on has to be washed over water or put in a clay pot and broken (i might be a LITTLE off on that one, but only a little, i'll research)

  • priests can't marry widows

  • you can have slaves, but they have to be from other countries, not your "brethren"

  • every 50 years is something called Jubilee, i don't think anyone works

  • if your house is within a walled city, and you sell it, you can take it back up to a certain time

  • if it is outside a walled city, you can take it back at the next Jubilee

there's more but i can't think of them now. where's my bible when i need it? right next to the shitter

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