U.S. religious knowledge survey

recently, the pew forum on religion and public life released the results of their recent U.S. religious knowledge survey. sadly, 86% of THE PEOPLE SURVEYED (not americans as they would suggest... it IS an extrapolation afterall), believe in "god" or a higher power. the problem is, most of these people who believe in god/higher power don't really know the tenets or history of what they believe in. it seems they know that church means dressing up the family on sunday, going to church, feeding the kids cookies so they are quiet during the service, listening to the sermon (a.k.a bible cliff's notes), eating some stale bread and wine, and then going home to watch the game. it's tradition, it's a habit (and a bad one at that, in my opinion). many of these people base their personal beliefs and political stances on a book they haven't read. they cherrypick the parts of their book that support their prejudices (homosexuality is bad) but ignore the ones that just aren't fun [no premarital sex, no pork, no eating lobsters, no rare meat, shaving, or cutting of the hair (still, i think that link is a bit strange too. i think since jesus was basically raised a jew as far as we know, he was a jew who stirred a following and started an offshoot that was probably still based in part on judaism. similar to how islam is based on judaism, acknowledges jesus, and is just a 3rd iteration / prophet from the original judaism)].

as usual, i digress. i find it entertainingly ironic that of the people polled (and again, this is but 1/1000 of a percent of the population) that atheists/agnostics topped the poll with the best scores followed by jews, mormons, and the best catholic score coming in 5th. if you are here, more than likely you know i am an atheist. i was raised lutheran until the age of 14 or so when i went to TheMom and said i didn't believe in god. it didn't make sense. math and science explained a lot more than church did for me, and even though there's a lot that science couldn't explain, that set grew smaller every day, something that doesn't happen with religion. TheMom was heartbroken, thinking she raised me wrong, but i assured it had absolutely nothing to do with that. it had to do with my free will and the thinking/analytical mind i was born with. as i got older, she came out as an agnostic. i hope this wasn't from my doing as i'm not much for proselytizing... as long as no one gets hurt, i think everyone has the right to believe what they want. i believe she was agnostic far earlier in her life, but that just wasn't accepted so she fell in line with what she was supposed to do culturally. i don't blame her for this. it is certainly a safer environment now to walk away from religion, at least in the western world.

i've lived in the hindu culture which i am quite fond of in their acceptance of other religions. sadly, those other religions were massive missionary expeditions which i thoroughly despise. i personally witnessed the bringing of clothes, money, food, and classrooms to the young. the parents were hindu and the children converted to mormonism via the missionary church that was set up. i asked the parents how they felt about their children leaving the religion they themselves were brought up in, and they said as long as their children were happy, the parents were happy. i half believed this. hinduism does seem to be a happy, peaceful religion trying to better oneself. on the other hand, they wanted their children to be happy and children are simple creatures. a new pair of shoes, a crisp clean white shirt and new tie all their own, a snack after the service that the parents couldn't afford. the children would be happier, but could it be said their happiness was bought? still, the hindus i met weren't angry about it, they were just trying to give their children a better purchase on a properous life by selling out their religious beliefs.

as for christianity, i've been reading the bible off and on for years as an education tool, a piece of literature. while i was in egypt, i read the qu'ran during ramadan as is typical of most muslims. i read this, too, as an educational tool. many of the muslims i worked with were excited that i was converting. when i explained that i was reading it to educate myself on the culture and the people, i ran in to quite a few who asked me stop reading it because that was not the purpose of the book. that's not to say they are any worse than some christians i've told about reading the bible keeping in mind a high degree of "suspension of disbelief". there are always going to be moderates and fundamentalists in every religion. i fear the fundamentalists in all of them. the same bible-thumping christians who tout their 2nd amendment right to keep and bear arms are usually the ones who claim this is a christian nation, forgetting that the 1st amendment, aside from protecting freedom of speech, also explicitly prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion. we are NOT a christian nation, we are a nation of many, believers and non-believers, and a diverse spectrum in between.

i believe over the course of civilized man, religion on the whole has done more harm than good, but on a personal level, i'm sure it's helped it fair share. for fun, why don't you go here and take the abridged test. i was hoping for a score of 100%, but i missed one. :-(

it's good to have time to be back.

mr. deity

i just found this vid from a prof i had in college, and i have to say, IF god exists, i think (if he's worthy of existing) he has to be pretty much the same.

biblical observations III : samson was CRAZY pussy-whipped (and possibly severely mentally retarded)

i'm back into reading the bible since i'm out of books. i'm just about to finish JUDGES when i come across samson. i didn't realize that samson was actually a king of israel. well, that might not be technically correct but i'm not exactly sure what he was judging since israel was being oppressed but all the neighbors at this time (and that is another observation post). so i'll call him a king, of sorts, a leader, and he did that for 20 years.

the story starts that his mother was barren, but an angel came to her and said she would conceive, but the boy had to be raised a nazirite (that just looks so much like nazi to me, but that's not a funny joke since we are dealing with the jewish people here). nazarites weren't allowed to cut their hair, they weren't allowed to drink alcohol, and they were supposed to avoid the dead and places of the dead. in short, he was a strong mother fucker. he's the equivalent of hercules from greek mythology.

STORY #1 that proves he's a crazy badass, completely fukking pussy-whipped, and soft in the head (note: all quotes are paraphrased):

one day, he's walking through the woods on his way to hit on this philistine chick he was diggin' on when a lion comes up to him. the force was strong in this one, so he tore the lion a new one bare-handed without even breaking a sweat. apparently he did the biblical equivalent of getting her digits AND getting her to accept his marriage proposal in not time and went home. a while later, he was walking back to pick up his wife, when he walked past the lion he had disemboweled and found a bee hive growing in the thing, so he grabbed some honey and went to his wife. when he got to her town, there were 30 dudes hanging out waiting for the 7 day wedding feast to start and end. samson posited to them a riddle to solve in 7 days. if they got it right, he'd give them 30 new linens and 30 changes of clothes; if they didn't, they had to give HIM 30 linens and changes of clothes. the riddle was:

out of the eater came something eat
out of the strong came something sweet.

since you know the backstory, you might be able to guess the answer.

well, the mob pulls his wife aside and threatens to burn down her house like in a WWE studios / john cena movie if she doesn't get the answer for him, so true to a typical wife (i can say this because i'm not married, hah), she nagged the ever-lovin' shit out of him for the answer even though his mom and dad don't even know. on day seven, she tells the mob "nothing sweeter than honey, nothing stronger than a lion", they regurgitate it back to him, and he goes postal. he knows the got the answer from his trollop wife, so true to his word, he retaliated by giving them their 30 linens and changes of clothes... by killing 30 of their bestest buds and giving the mob THEIR clothes, then he stomped back to his house.

it gets worse. after a while, maybe a few weeks or months, he goes down to her dad's house and tells him "i'll show her, i'm gonna lay some pipe on my wife ans show her she screwed up". her dad's kinda like "um... we're sorry, but we didn't think you lied her so we decided to give her to your best man. wouldn't you like her younger sister better?" BURN!!! re-retaliation. if samson wasn't rip-shit pissed already, when he found out he wasn't getting any tail, that was it. he went out and captured 300 foxes, tied their tails together with a torch in the knot, and set them free in the philistine fields (if anyone's counting, this is retaliation 3, R3). when the philistines found out samson had done this, they (you guessed it) retaliated (R4) by burning down his wife and father-in-law's house. samson said "ok, mofo's, i'm getting tired of this back and forth, so i'm just going to get even ONE MORE TIME, then i'm done... we're even... OK?", then he whopped some major philistine ass (R5).

that wasn't good enough for the philistines, so they came to arrest him and take him back for judgment. he said, if you promise not to kill me until we get there, i'll let you tie me up. they promised, they tied, they went to philistine central. when he got there, everyone started yelling at him, and he got all pissed off hulk-style, so he grabbed the jawbone of a donkey and smote the shit out of 1000 philistines. afterward, he yelled into the sky, "this... is... JAWBOOOOOOOONE (heights)!", and "judged" for 20 years.

the FAMOUS story that proves he's a crazy badass, completely fukking pussy-whipped, and soft in the head (note: all quotes are paraphrased):

so toward the end of his 20 years judging, he took a vacation to gaza and banged a lady of the night. while he was there, the gazites decided they'd kill him in the morning when the sun came up. instead, at midnight, to show the gazites he was still "israel's strongest man", he ripped the gate of the city (along with the posts) out of the ground and took them up on a hill. i'm not exactly sure how this made them not kill him, except that maybe they were all still washing the shit out of their pants the next morning.

then samson met delilah. this is like the biblical version of forrest gump. samson is forrest: this soft-headed, i-love-the-first-girl-i-meet kinda guy, and delilah is like jenny: she's all "well, you're nice, but you're kind of a dope, i mean, i'll kiss ya, but i got other things to do", so the locals lords offered her some mad amounts of silver to find out his weakness. she's all about movin' on up to the east-side, so she takes the deal and starts pillow-talking samson. here's where we confirm both massive pussy-whippedness and never-before-seen brain damage.

DELILAH: so what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: 7 fresh bowstrings, not yet dried, and i'm bruce banner.
(delilah ties him up in 7 wet bowstrings that night, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson tears through the bowstrings like thread, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: baby (maybe a bewb pops out), so REALLY, what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: new rope that has never been used, and i'm like superman and green kryptonite.
(delilah ties him up with brand new rope that night, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson tears through the rope like it was smoke, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: (while putting on some BANGIN' frederick's of hollywood lingerie) samson, why do you mock me, i'm JUST curious, what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: new rope that has never been used, and shorty, i'm like superman around green kryptonite.
(delilah ties him up with brand new rope that night, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson tears through the rope like it was smoke, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: (grabbin' his circumsized johnson), you're starting to PISS ME OFF! i'm just worried about you. baby...what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: if you weave my seven dreadlocks into the loom, i'm like rainbow brite on xanax.
(delilah weaves his frickin' HEAD in to a LOOM, and he doesn't wake up; btw, not drunk, can't drink alcohol... anyways, the philistines are still chillin' in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson gets up turning the loom into a pile of matchsticks... WTF happened, babe?, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: (promising something like BJs everyday for life) samson, this is the best deal your going to get. just tell me your weakness, and i'll get right on my knees... big daddy, what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: (tired of her bitching) GOOD GOD WOMAN (SORRY BIG GUY!) WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM? I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU ARE ALL UP IN MY BIZZLE, AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! MY HAIR, IT'S MY HAIR. YOU CUT MY HAIR, AND THAT SCREECH KID FROM "SAVED BY THE BELL" COULD HAND MY OWN ASS TO ME, OKAY?! so there, now... get to it, sugarlips.
(delilah "lulls him to sleep on her knees"... it actually says that in the bible, then brings in the town barber and give him the first bowl-cut in the old testament, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(well he wakes up a bit woozy, as close to a hangover as possible without drinking, and the philistines make their move. they whomped on him pretty good, poked out his eyes and made him the prison wheat grinder)

he didn't see THAT coming, come on! it's like every joke ever told. three guys walk into a bar, or a guy tried something three times... moron, still, he gets them in the end. they are all so drunk on the fact that they caught this one guy who bitch-slapped an entire battalion of them with the remains of a carcass, that they order a party with ALL the philistine lords and lordettes (about 3000 of them) to watch him do some pratfalls and slapstick for them. he does a little song-and-dance then asks for someone to help him to the central pillars to catch his breath. he pulled a popeye and opened a can of god-spinach, "bringing down the roof" by knocking over the main structural pillars, thus killing all of the philistines along with himself.

rock on, samson, you idiot!

for the actual text, you can go here. it's funny, i was trying to give the cliff's notes, but ended up making it longer. the original passages is only 19 verses). hope you like the re-enactment. i apologize that delilah was such a hussy, but that's the way it was (in my head).

biblical observations II: god LOVES to barbecue especially in july

i'm back again with another bible post (see my first here). why? because the bible is funny. also, i like math and since i'm STILL reading to book, Numbers (i remind you, this is my bathroom reading), there are some numbers i think are interesting. this post related to the burnt offerings. i'm not sure of the best way to format this, so i'll just go with my gut. oh yeah, be prepared... this is going to get long, but stay with it. you don't have to read the details of everything, but i'm gonna tally everything up at the end and convert it into REAL units. THAT will be interesting.

but first some notes and clarifications. all this data comes from Numbers 29-30. for some reason, the biblical people didn't know how to reduce fractions, so often times you see things like 2/10 of a such-and-such. also, the ephah is not precisely known. depending on the text, it varies from 5-9 gallons (dry), but we will be conservative and use 5 gallons per ephah. 1 hin = 1 gallon, and all sacrifices should be animals in their first year and with no blemishes. i have to make an assumption as the oil and wine offerings aren't explicit in anything past the daily offer, so i'll assume for every 1/10 ephah of flour, they mix 1/4 hin of oil and 1/4 hin of wine is alotted per lamb unless otherwise explicitly stated in the text. i also noted that god likes to barbecue on july.

for those of you who don't want the details, just the breakdown, click here to go the the analysis.

(A) the daily offering

• 2 lambs
• 2/10 ephah of flour
• 2/4 hin of fine pressed oil
• 1/2 hin of wine (1/4 hin per lamb)

(B) the sabbath offering

• 2 lambs
• 2/10 ephah flour
• 1/2 hin oil
• 1/2 hin wine

(C) the monthly offering

• 2 bulls
• 1 ram
• 7 lambs
• 1 goat
• 6/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 2/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• and 7/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 6/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 2/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 7/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 1 hin of wine for the bulls
• 1/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 7/4 hin of wine for the lambs

(D) feast of weeks (the first harvest)

• 2 bulls
• 1 ram
• 7 lambs
• 1 goat
• 6/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 2/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 7/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 6/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 2/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 7/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 1 hin of wine for the bulls
• 1/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 7/4 hin of wine for the lambs

(E) feast of trumpets (1 july)

• 1 bull
• 1 ram
• 7 lambs
• 1 goat
• 3/10 ephah of flour for the bull
• 2/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 7/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 6/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 2/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 7/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 1/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 1/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 7/4 hin of wine for the lambs

(F) passover (14 january for 7 days)

• 2 bulls
• 1 ram
• 7 lambs
• 1 goat
• 6/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 2/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 7/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 6/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 2/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 7/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 1 hin of wine for the bulls
• 1/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 7/4 hin of wine for the lambs

(G) day of atonement (10 july)

• 1 bull
• 1 ram
• 7 lambs
• 1 goat
• 3/10 ephah of flour for the bull
• 2/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 7/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 6/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 2/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 7/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 7/4 hin of wine for the lambs

(H) feast of the tabernacle (15 july for 8 days)
day 1:

• 13 bulls
• 2 rams
• 14 lambs
• 1 goat
• 39/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 4/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 14/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 78/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 4/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 14/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 13/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 2/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 14/4 hin of wine for the lambs

day 2:

• 12 bulls
• 2 rams
• 14 lambs
• 1 goat
• 36/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 4/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 14/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 72/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 4/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 14/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 12/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 2/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 14/4 hin of wine for the lambs

day 3:

• 11 bulls
• 2 rams
• 14 lambs
• 1 goat
• 33/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 4/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 14/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 66/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 4/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 14/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 11/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 2/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 14/4 hin of wine for the lambs

day 4:

• 10 bulls
• 2 rams
• 14 lambs
• 1 goat
• 30/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 4/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 14/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 60/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 4/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 14/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 10/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 2/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 14/4 hin of wine for the lambs

day 5:

• 9 bulls
• 2 rams
• 14 lambs
• 1 goat
• 27/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 4/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 14/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 54/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 4/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 14/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 9/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 2/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 14/4 hin of wine for the lambs

day 6:

• 8 bulls
• 2 rams
• 14 lambs
• 1 goat
• 24/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 4/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 14/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 48/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 4/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 14/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 8/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 2/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 14/4 hin of wine for the lambs

day 7:

• 7 bulls
• 2 rams
• 14 lambs
• 1 goat
• 21/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 4/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 14/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 42/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 4/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 14/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 7/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 2/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 14/4 hin of wine for the lambs

day 8:

• 1 bull
• 1 ram
• 7 lambs
• 1 goat
• 3/10 ephah of flour for the bulls
• 2/10 ephah of flour for the ram
• 7/10 ephah of flour for the lambs
• 3/4 hin of oil for the bulls
• 2/4 hin of oil for the ram
• 7/4 hin of oil for the lambs
• 1/2 hin of wine for the bulls
• 1/3 hin of wine for the ram
• 7/4 hin of wine for the lambs

and now for the math. we are told that no matter if it is a special holiday or whatnot, you always do your standard sacrifices (daily, sabbath, monthly) in conjunction with any special holiday (feast of week, passover, etc.), so the equation to determine how many sacrificed were made in a year is fairly simple:
365A + 52B + 12C + D + E + 7F + G + ΣH
(Σ being the symbol for summation since H varies with time).

this turns out to be an ASTOUNDING amount of WASTED meat, wine, oil, and flour that could've been given to the ethiopians.

final annual tally:

• 113 bulls
• 37 rams
• 1093 lambs
• 30 goats
• 150.60 gallons (dry) of flour
• 376.50 gallons (wet) of oil
• 341.96 gallons (wet) of wine

now what is that in real life terms? bull and lamb stats from here and here.

assuming you get 500 lbs (8000 oz) of meat from a 1200 lb bull, and a typical portion is 10 ounces, that is 800 steaks/bull multiplied by 113 bulls in a year, so that's 90,400 steaks in a year. 3 steaks a day means ~30,000 people fed for a year from the cows alone.

for the lambs, we'll assume 60 lbs (960 oz) per lamb times 1093 lambs, 10 oz lambsteaks = 104928 steaks, and that is another nearly 35,000 people fed for a year.

i found some sketchy stats on meat goats and estimated about 38 lbs/goat. 30 goats is 13,440 oz = 1344 steaks, so about 550 fed for a year on goats.

i can't find stats on rams, so bear with me. i'll have to estimate they are bigger than lambs but probably more sinew and gristle, so i'll say you get the same amount of meat. i think i'm erring low on this, but it works. so 960 oz * 37 rams / 10 oz steaks / 3 meals per day = 1184 people fed for a year.

i'm not even going into the wine, oil and flour. those are side dishes. and i'm guessing vegetarians were few and far between back then (again i could be wrong).

so for their god, israel sacrificed enough food to feed almost 67,000 people FOR A WHOLE YEAR. but hey, when your god likes the smell of a barbecue, you bring out the grill.

if you wanna see the details, go here. thanks for your time, hope you like the analysis.

biblical observations I: god vacations in july

i decided to start reading the bible (it's my bathroom reading material). i'm not converting or anything, so don't worry there, i just figured it's one of those things that even many christians don't do, and i'd see what all the fuss was about. this should be part 3 or so, but on occasion, depending on what i read in the book, i'll post about some of the stranger parts of the bible that some people might not know about.

earlier i blogged about some stuff without making it a "set". like abraham's daughters got him drunk and had sex with him. there were no young guys around and they were worried about having babies. any port in the storm, i guess, but how fukked up is that? not only is it incest, but it's also an orgy, in-breeding, and date rape. this could possibly be the first case of a deadbeat dad/pappy and those hussies are gonna get a reputation (since they weren't married, they should be having sex).

currently i'm just about to finish leviticus (makes me think of the borg drone, locutus), and delve into numbers (i hear THAT'S a fun one *sarcasm*). leviticus has a lot of the rules. here's what i've learned.

• no idols, no adultery, blah blah blah.
• you shall not pierce yourself or make marks (tattoos) on your body or no heaven for you. your body is your gift from god and you aren't to abuse it so.
• you aren't supposed to shave your beard, ever.


• god vacations in july (see below points)


• july 1st is to be like the sabbath, no work


• july 10th is to be like the sabbath, no work


• july 15th and for 7 days is to be like the sabbath, no work


• every 7 years, there's to be no work in the fields, no planting, no sowing, for the entire year, so farmers get a year off.


• you can't see ANYONE naked... mom, dad, sisters, brothers, uncles, etc.


• i believe you can't sleep with your wife while she's on her period (dirty the entire time), anything she gets blood on has to be washed over water or put in a clay pot and broken (i might be a LITTLE off on that one, but only a little, i'll research)


• priests can't marry widows


• you can have slaves, but they have to be from other countries, not your "brethren"


• every 50 years is something called Jubilee, i don't think anyone works


• if your house is within a walled city, and you sell it, you can take it back up to a certain time


• if it is outside a walled city, you can take it back at the next Jubilee

there's more but i can't think of them now. where's my bible when i need it? right next to the shitter