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17 June 2006

i must've pissed god off with my heretical bible posts

man did i have a strange dream last night, and even if i woke up, when i fell back asleep i fell right back into it. now why can't my sex dreams be like that? anyways, it goes a little somethin' like this.

i'm on a flight from here to mumbai, but the seating is like in a crap movie theater (like the old carmike cinema at the ohio valley mall before the renovation) with like 30 seats wide, and it is dark and red drapes on the wall, etc. that's when my friend, EJ, and a high school classmate who was also a cheerleader, we'll call her LH, whispered over, "zac, is that you?". i was surprised to see them, wondering why they were in india, and why they were on their way to mumbai. turns out they were on their way from america to the UK, and had a layover in middle-of-nowhere india (i know, makes no sense). so we all change seats and catch up on what has been going on, and arrive in mumbai.

once we are there, we find out we have a long layover, so we decided to go check out my old elementary school (apparently someone found it cost efficient to export a tiny elementary school from west bellaire, OH to mumbai, INDIA). when we get there is has been placed on a huge american-looking business complex with nice manicured campus, criss-crossing walkways, etc., and there are three cooling towers (like on nuke plants) behind it about 300 yards away. they've turned my grade school into a power plant!!

so we are walking around, checking things out when a storm rolls in. we are on the top floor and it is getting a bit crazy outside, when there is a bulletin on the radio in the background. we can't make it out, so we run to the roof where we see tornadoes dropping from the clouds, touching down, and disintegrating. they are dropping down maybe 3 and 4 at a time, probably 50/minute. we run downstairs to let brace the doors, so when i close them, a college buddy, chuck, keeps wanting to put blocks of rat poison between the door and the jam in case anyone comes by who needs to come in. i keep kicking it out to latch the door, but he seems to have a limitless supply of rat poison blocks. that's when i noticed a HUGE tornado take out one of the monstrous cooling towers down the way, coming straight for us.

(the following is very probably directly related to the '24' season 4 episode i watched the same day). that's when i see a dark-skinned man in a leather jacket walking calmly across the campus. a panicked blonde girl running toward us for shelter crosses his path, and he grabs her at gunpoint and says he won't let her in. i rush outside (somehow i got a gun and a bullet-proof vest), to try to get them both inside because this twister is barreling down on us. i point my gun at him, and tell him we don't have time for this. that is when, no shit, the clouds formed a puffy hand holding a very big and very realistic metallic gun, and shot me. GOD FRICKIN' SHOT ME!!! i'm guessing some pope or anti-pope blessed my holy-bulletproof vest, because i wasn't dead. i looked up, my breath knocked out of me, and put a bullet in the guys head. the girl continued on to the school, while the storms let up, the monster tornado dissipated, and then the voice...

god wasn't very happy with me. he said that i had doomed the human race. i didn't have security clearance for the details, but apparently, the guy i shot was jesus (possibly pronounced "hay-SOOS"). i'd successfully interfered with and prevented the second coming of christ, and the big guy promised there would be no THIRD.

yee-haw, i ruined it for everyone. sorry EJ, LH, and random blonde girl i was trying to save. see if i ever be a dream-hero again.


Anonymous mom 2 said...

zac that was the funniest post i've ever read...WHAT A DREAM!!! i can't quit laughing and rereading it...can you be any funnier????even your dreams are outrageous..all i keep picturing is west bellaire school in india and mr.bowser trying to figure out how he got there and why you are shooting at people...
love ya mom 2

11:07 AM, June 17, 2006  
Anonymous mom 2 said...

hey just got a phone call from your mom and she is getting off the ship and jim is picking her up and taking her to lunch and then to the airport..she's going to call us from philly and we will pick her up at 6 pm if she makes her connection to pittsburgh...

11:11 AM, June 17, 2006  
Anonymous themom said...

aha, made my connection in Philly (I will never lay over there again!!) and first thing jean did was tell me about this blog. She was right - HILARIOUS. You must watch what you eat at night before bed (or drink). Too funn and then she brought up Mr. Bowser - what a kick!!


7:38 AM, June 18, 2006  

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