republicans are scared of gays in the military (but apparently not in their own ranks)

i'll start this as i have been for a while lately.. wow, it's been a long time. no excuses, just laziness. but i need to do better. i can't believe it's been over a year since i was in jordan and i still haven't posted those awesome pix and stories. i'm getting to it. really.

what inspired this return was an article i read about the republicans blasting the pentagon for it's findings in a "don't ask, don't tell" study. as i read the article, i became incensed at the complete short-sightedness and bigotry by these scared, old white men. we should've left mccain in that damn prison camp. the problem is, as i read the article, all my counterpoints were made by the article, so if you read this, it's like reading the article, and vice versa. sorry. the study showed that 70% of those military personnel polled said that allowing gays would AT WORST make absolutely no difference in their feelings and at best have a positive effect. granted, it also showed that 40-60% of direct combat troops felt it would have a negative effect, but those guys are usually more the macho quarterback type who probably don't realize that they could be fighting next to a gay solder right now who has to hhide it to fight for his country. the republicans said it was a waste of money because the survey didn't ask if they should repeal DADT. immediately, i thought "why the hell would you survey military personnel on THIS policy but not any others, like extended deployments, etc?" (several sentences later, the article brought up the same point). surverying them on their thoughts and feelings on the issue makes sense, but on specific policy... if they had a say in any policy, i'm guessing most of them wouldn't be in iraq and afghanistan. ask them about that one first. i'm guessing they'll say let the gays in if i can get out of here.

the other thing the republicans were worried about was replacing the 12% (~264,000 troops) who said they would not want to stay in the military if DADT was repealed. FIRST, they don't just get to up and leave. that's AWOL or dishonorable discharge, and the job market isn't so strong right now, let alone how badly the government can treat regular discharges. SECOND, it isn't a one way door. if they want to leave when their enlistment is up, they can, but with DADT repealed, gays who might've been afraid of hostile personal attacks might be more willing to fight and serve. you never know how many might be out there who want to fight, but DADT gives them a strong reason not to. this is our modern day desegregation of black and white troops. get on the fucking bus, you scared old men.

mccain and i are sharing wavelengths

three or four days ago, i was socializing with my new hash friends when i came up with the idea that instead of fighting north korea and iran and china, we need to just break through the propaganda and censorship. we need to find a way to provide OTHER countries with free internet access or wi-fi. we can use technology rather than force to help the people see a more realistic and less biased view of the world and country they live in. giving people the power of information to give them the power to organize. that was my idea. i wasn't sure how to implement it, but i think it was a good idea at the very least.

john mccain feels the same.

biblical observations III : samson was CRAZY pussy-whipped (and possibly severely mentally retarded)

i'm back into reading the bible since i'm out of books. i'm just about to finish JUDGES when i come across samson. i didn't realize that samson was actually a king of israel. well, that might not be technically correct but i'm not exactly sure what he was judging since israel was being oppressed but all the neighbors at this time (and that is another observation post). so i'll call him a king, of sorts, a leader, and he did that for 20 years.

the story starts that his mother was barren, but an angel came to her and said she would conceive, but the boy had to be raised a nazirite (that just looks so much like nazi to me, but that's not a funny joke since we are dealing with the jewish people here). nazarites weren't allowed to cut their hair, they weren't allowed to drink alcohol, and they were supposed to avoid the dead and places of the dead. in short, he was a strong mother fucker. he's the equivalent of hercules from greek mythology.

STORY #1 that proves he's a crazy badass, completely fukking pussy-whipped, and soft in the head (note: all quotes are paraphrased):

one day, he's walking through the woods on his way to hit on this philistine chick he was diggin' on when a lion comes up to him. the force was strong in this one, so he tore the lion a new one bare-handed without even breaking a sweat. apparently he did the biblical equivalent of getting her digits AND getting her to accept his marriage proposal in not time and went home. a while later, he was walking back to pick up his wife, when he walked past the lion he had disemboweled and found a bee hive growing in the thing, so he grabbed some honey and went to his wife. when he got to her town, there were 30 dudes hanging out waiting for the 7 day wedding feast to start and end. samson posited to them a riddle to solve in 7 days. if they got it right, he'd give them 30 new linens and 30 changes of clothes; if they didn't, they had to give HIM 30 linens and changes of clothes. the riddle was:

out of the eater came something eat
out of the strong came something sweet.

since you know the backstory, you might be able to guess the answer.

well, the mob pulls his wife aside and threatens to burn down her house like in a WWE studios / john cena movie if she doesn't get the answer for him, so true to a typical wife (i can say this because i'm not married, hah), she nagged the ever-lovin' shit out of him for the answer even though his mom and dad don't even know. on day seven, she tells the mob "nothing sweeter than honey, nothing stronger than a lion", they regurgitate it back to him, and he goes postal. he knows the got the answer from his trollop wife, so true to his word, he retaliated by giving them their 30 linens and changes of clothes... by killing 30 of their bestest buds and giving the mob THEIR clothes, then he stomped back to his house.

it gets worse. after a while, maybe a few weeks or months, he goes down to her dad's house and tells him "i'll show her, i'm gonna lay some pipe on my wife ans show her she screwed up". her dad's kinda like "um... we're sorry, but we didn't think you lied her so we decided to give her to your best man. wouldn't you like her younger sister better?" BURN!!! re-retaliation. if samson wasn't rip-shit pissed already, when he found out he wasn't getting any tail, that was it. he went out and captured 300 foxes, tied their tails together with a torch in the knot, and set them free in the philistine fields (if anyone's counting, this is retaliation 3, R3). when the philistines found out samson had done this, they (you guessed it) retaliated (R4) by burning down his wife and father-in-law's house. samson said "ok, mofo's, i'm getting tired of this back and forth, so i'm just going to get even ONE MORE TIME, then i'm done... we're even... OK?", then he whopped some major philistine ass (R5).

that wasn't good enough for the philistines, so they came to arrest him and take him back for judgment. he said, if you promise not to kill me until we get there, i'll let you tie me up. they promised, they tied, they went to philistine central. when he got there, everyone started yelling at him, and he got all pissed off hulk-style, so he grabbed the jawbone of a donkey and smote the shit out of 1000 philistines. afterward, he yelled into the sky, "this... is... JAWBOOOOOOOONE (heights)!", and "judged" for 20 years.

the FAMOUS story that proves he's a crazy badass, completely fukking pussy-whipped, and soft in the head (note: all quotes are paraphrased):

so toward the end of his 20 years judging, he took a vacation to gaza and banged a lady of the night. while he was there, the gazites decided they'd kill him in the morning when the sun came up. instead, at midnight, to show the gazites he was still "israel's strongest man", he ripped the gate of the city (along with the posts) out of the ground and took them up on a hill. i'm not exactly sure how this made them not kill him, except that maybe they were all still washing the shit out of their pants the next morning.

then samson met delilah. this is like the biblical version of forrest gump. samson is forrest: this soft-headed, i-love-the-first-girl-i-meet kinda guy, and delilah is like jenny: she's all "well, you're nice, but you're kind of a dope, i mean, i'll kiss ya, but i got other things to do", so the locals lords offered her some mad amounts of silver to find out his weakness. she's all about movin' on up to the east-side, so she takes the deal and starts pillow-talking samson. here's where we confirm both massive pussy-whippedness and never-before-seen brain damage.

DELILAH: so what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: 7 fresh bowstrings, not yet dried, and i'm bruce banner.
(delilah ties him up in 7 wet bowstrings that night, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson tears through the bowstrings like thread, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: baby (maybe a bewb pops out), so REALLY, what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: new rope that has never been used, and i'm like superman and green kryptonite.
(delilah ties him up with brand new rope that night, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson tears through the rope like it was smoke, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: (while putting on some BANGIN' frederick's of hollywood lingerie) samson, why do you mock me, i'm JUST curious, what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: new rope that has never been used, and shorty, i'm like superman around green kryptonite.
(delilah ties him up with brand new rope that night, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson tears through the rope like it was smoke, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: (grabbin' his circumsized johnson), you're starting to PISS ME OFF! i'm just worried about you. baby...what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: if you weave my seven dreadlocks into the loom, i'm like rainbow brite on xanax.
(delilah weaves his frickin' HEAD in to a LOOM, and he doesn't wake up; btw, not drunk, can't drink alcohol... anyways, the philistines are still chillin' in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(samson gets up turning the loom into a pile of matchsticks... WTF happened, babe?, no philistine attack)
DELILAH: (promising something like BJs everyday for life) samson, this is the best deal your going to get. just tell me your weakness, and i'll get right on my knees... big daddy, what IS your weakness?
SAMSON: (tired of her bitching) GOOD GOD WOMAN (SORRY BIG GUY!) WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM? I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU ARE ALL UP IN MY BIZZLE, AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! MY HAIR, IT'S MY HAIR. YOU CUT MY HAIR, AND THAT SCREECH KID FROM "SAVED BY THE BELL" COULD HAND MY OWN ASS TO ME, OKAY?! so there, now... get to it, sugarlips.
(delilah "lulls him to sleep on her knees"... it actually says that in the bible, then brings in the town barber and give him the first bowl-cut in the old testament, the philistines wait in his room)
DELILAH:SAMSON, THE PHILISTINES ARE HERE!!!
(well he wakes up a bit woozy, as close to a hangover as possible without drinking, and the philistines make their move. they whomped on him pretty good, poked out his eyes and made him the prison wheat grinder)

he didn't see THAT coming, come on! it's like every joke ever told. three guys walk into a bar, or a guy tried something three times... moron, still, he gets them in the end. they are all so drunk on the fact that they caught this one guy who bitch-slapped an entire battalion of them with the remains of a carcass, that they order a party with ALL the philistine lords and lordettes (about 3000 of them) to watch him do some pratfalls and slapstick for them. he does a little song-and-dance then asks for someone to help him to the central pillars to catch his breath. he pulled a popeye and opened a can of god-spinach, "bringing down the roof" by knocking over the main structural pillars, thus killing all of the philistines along with himself.

rock on, samson, you idiot!

for the actual text, you can go here. it's funny, i was trying to give the cliff's notes, but ended up making it longer. the original passages is only 19 verses). hope you like the re-enactment. i apologize that delilah was such a hussy, but that's the way it was (in my head).

zed heads

that's the term max brooks uses for zombies. i like zombie movies, particularly newer ones but still, i can appreciate the older ones as well. while we were working in india, jules was even nice enough to get me a zombie movie collection when she went on her R&R.

i'm currently reading "world war Z: an oral history of the zombie war" by max brooks. in it, he tours around the world after the big zombie war interviewing the people who battled and survived the war, and how they did it. i know it sounds kinda dumb, but i think it is a good book. for those who think zombies don't exist so reading the book is goofy, granted zombies may not exist but there are possibilities like things such as super-flus that could ravage the world in a similar fashion. i believe this is his second book, his first being "the zombie survival guide". i think that might be my next book purchase. i'm gonna be prepared.

anyways, if you want to get some ideas on how to protect yourself from the living dead, you can check out the zombie initiative. it's all in good fun, but there are some good ideas collected there that would be useful even in severe emergencies or evacuations. if you check it out, tell me how you like it and if i'm paranoid/crazy.

futureweapons

i'm not huge on war, i doubt many people are. if the draft were reinstated, i'd probably hightail it to canada (i hear there are a lot of good paying jobs up there in my field anyways, i'd say it was a business decision). anyways, though i'm not big into war, i love technology and there are some MAJOR strides coming from defense contractors. here is a link to a top 5 high-tech weapons list (that only has 4). the metal storm and MOAB are pretty nice. i'm not sure of the benefit of firing 1,000,000 rounds per minute is, but i like that it can theoretically be done. big numbers are awesome.

if you are into that kind of thing, i highly suggest you check out FutureWeapons online and watch the show mondays at 9PM on discovery channel.

i was particularly impressed by:

season 1:

• cornershot
• javelin

season 2:

• E-SMAW
• boot banger
• dragon skin
• gate crasher

go check it out. i should've worked for raytheon.